KarMel Scholarship 2007

“Ride to Reality”

By Shaun Burdette

Desciption of Submission: Learning about the legal difficulties of raising children as gay parents.

“Her name is Sarah,” David, the man standing next to me, explained. “Mark and I adopted her four years ago today.”

I was on a train ride New York City to spend the weekend with my friend. I generally traveled by bus, but felt like trying something new. “Something new” was exactly what I found, as my ticket seated me next to David, Mark, and their adopted daughter, Sarah.

David and Mark were both polite, extroverted parents, and we struck up conversation almost immediately. Before long, I had learned of David and Mark’s legal struggles with adopting and raising Sarah. Sarah suffered from severe asthma and required expensive doctor’s care. And, though Mark’s job provided a great healthcare plan, Sarah was not covered through it because only David –who had recently left the work force for his master’s degree -- was recognized as the legal adopted parent. Though Mark’s job offered an excellent healthcare plan, neither David nor Sarah could benefit from it because legally, they were both strangers in the eyes of the law.

“It’s a huge financial stress,” admitted Mark. “Of course I support David and his education, but it’s hard to make ends meet. “

I slowly nodded as David continued, interrupting with only the occasional, “I see,” or “Mhm.” I was shocked by my own ignorance. How could I have lived in America my whole life and not know the frightening realities that face this family everyday? Why hadn’t I read about this somewhere? How is this legal?

My heart ached. I was frustrated and confused, unable to understand why, in the eyes of the government, these loving parents were undeserving of the basic protections and rights necessary to every other family in the United States. David and Mark smiled on the outside, though I could feel their spirits slowly breaking on the inside.

 As I got off the train, I waved goodbye to David, Mark, and Sarah. I wanted to give Sarah healthcare. I wanted to give her fathers security, safety, and hope – hope that the future was bright and that their journey had an end. But all I could give was a wave goodbye. 
 Over the past few hours, my naive and fragile heart had shattered into a heap of pieces. There are times in life when you feel changed; you gain insight or see through a new perspective; your understanding of the world shifts as you realize new truths, as ugly as they may be. This one of those times.
 Standing in the train station, I -- for a moment – felt just like little Sarah: naked, cold, and vulnerable – and my government allowed for it. Unable to move just yet, I watched the train speed away, asking myself why it was a problem that people wanted to commit to each other until death do they part.

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