KarMel
Scholarship 2007
|
“Becoming Healthy and Happy” By Miranda
Pearson |
Desciption of Submission: A short essay detailing homosexual teenager’s
mindsets, and how I overcame my own troubles.
In the
What teenagers are not coached on is how to stay happy in
the whirlwind of a life they are expected to take control of, and happiness
should certainly be part of what determines how “healthy” a person is “living.”
Gay and lesbian teenagers, often enough, disregard this “happiness”
idea most of all. It is fairly easy to tell a gay friend, ridiculed by his
peers, to simply “ignore it” and “move on.” After all, that gay guy has you
- a devoted friend that doesn’t think sexuality plays into personality, that
doesn’t think being gay determines whether or not it’s okay to be friends in
the first place. Unfortunately, the support of friends doesn’t equal happiness,
and a lack of happiness does not equal healthiness.
As a lesbian who has suffered by the hands of her peers,
first hand knowledge is my ally with such a topic. Having “dyke” and “gothic
lesbian” screamed across a crowded room with students and teachers alike is a
numbing experience, especially when nothing is done about it and the offenders
simply continue to laugh and smirk. I can recall darting from the room and
standing outside for several minutes, amazed that someone had the audacity -
the immaturity to treat another human being in such a way. Haunted by
the experience for nearly a year, I tried countless times to tell myself that I
had friends - people far more important than the childish girl who yelled
obscenities to me - that cared about me regardless of my sexuality.
It was not enough. Such derision directed at me in a
public setting made me paranoid, worried that all of my peers - even those that
I was not even formally acquainted with - thought of me in such a way and
scorned me for being a lesbian. This constantly guarding of one’s back is far
from healthy, and often is what I find my gay, lesbian, and bisexual peers practicing.
A homosexual teen cannot be happy and ultimately healthy when they feel the
world is against them, and sadly enough, this is commonly the mindset in place.
It would be foolish and offensive to assume that there is
a quick way to solving such an unhealthy lifestyle and mental state. There is
only one way out - a homosexual teenager shouldn’t rely solely on their
friends’ support to determine their well-being. It is great that a friend
things their gay friend is awesome, gay or not, but it is even better when that
gay friend can think they, themselves, are ‘awesome‘, gay or not. The
key is to define oneself outside of being gay, lesbian, or bisexual.
Being homosexual does not define a person’s worth, and
being homosexual does not have to be a struggle from day to day, in spite of
what may result from adverse interactions from others. My negative experiences
have led me to talk to people - my teachers, my friends, my parents -
those that I am comfortable with in order to see that my sexuality is not the
focus of my interaction with them. That focus is my personality, our shared
interests, and the memories we have between each other - not the fact that I
happen to like girls.
Still, all of those aforementioned people are guilty of
telling me that “I shouldn’t worry what others think.” That’s right, I shouldn’t,
but I do, as per natural, human reaction - it is whether or not I allow that to
shape who I am that truly matters. All of the time I spent hiding from the
accusation of “dyke” could have been better used to pursue the rest of my life
by playing flute, writing stories, or planning my future.
Worrying about what the rest of the world thinks of you
is inevitable and natural as a teenager, especially as a homosexual one. But,
ultimately, living healthy and happy as a homosexual teenager is not what matters - it is
living healthy and happy as a teenager that is planning to make something of
themselves (and just happens to be queer) that is important.