KarMel Scholarship 2007

“My Rollercoaster Life”

By Anonymous

Desciption of Submission: Brief discription of the rollercoaster from htero to bi, bi to lesbian, lesbian to wife of a transman, which brings be back to hetro

I began my life as I thought all little girls did. Girls were for liking and loving but you never showed it because God had given you these puppets called boys to play with and that was life. And play with boys and men I did. Several boyfriends landed me into an abusive marriage at 21. I spent a couple of years there until one day I looked into a woman’s eyes and saw something I had never seen before: life as it could be. She was cute but it didn’t last. Because of my abused past I found a woman much the same as my husband, crazy and mean. It took me another couple of years to get out of that. A series of less sick lesbian relationships with a bout or two of bouncing back to men brought me to what I thought would be my lifelong love. A strong woman – a redneck man trapped in a lesbian’s body as I like to joke, but not at all trans, she and I built a dream life. A home and fighting against the system becoming foster parents to 17 children. 3 we thought were to be our own until the system ripped them from us basically because we were gay. The pain almost killed us and did kill our relationship. I met another kind gentle woman whom I then lived with for about 5 years and one day sitting on the couch it was announced that they were trans. I freaked. I could accept myself as bi but never hetero again. But I stayed and the surgery came and the legal marriage. Today, I live as a hetro wife in a very small town where no one will ever have a clue. We are foster parents and now have adopted our 16 year old daughter. She knows about me being bi as she is herself but she will never know about her father. I miss being lesbian and living in a place where we are not surrounded by fear but here I sit at the bottom of my rollercoaster, a hetro again.

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