KarMel Scholarship 2007

“A Love Story”

By Cheri Siz

Desciption of Submission: Short story of Cheri and Michelle

Here is a personal story about falling in love. In April of 1998, I went to a job interview for the position of Home Health Aide at our local hospice. This interview was a group interview that demonstrated the team philosophy. The Director, Social Worker, Patient Care Coordinator, nurses, and other home health aides would all be there. Although the Patient Care Coordinator couldn’t be there, as she was taking care of a client emergency, I was hired for the position.

At the beginning of my very first day, I met the most caring, devoted, unselfish person in my life- the Patient Care Coordinator. She supervised the entire nursing, social work, and home health aide staff and also ordered medication, equipment, and other needed supplies. What an amazing woman standing here before me. How can one person take care of this whole staff, help train volunteers, and give clients and their families what they need? I was in love.

My father became terminally ill before his 59^th birthday, which was July 2^nd. I went to her asking for help, wondering at this point what I could possibly do to help my father die in dignity. My father lay dying by the minute in a hospital in Lansing, MI begging me to take him out of there and just take him home. My first personal contact with her, she took my hand and told me not to worry. I knew right then that she would take care of everything. By the end of that very day, my father was in my home with all the equipment and medication he would need along with a wonderful nurse that she had chosen. All of my family’s needs were taken care of.

Besides thinking of my father, (who knew since I was a child that I was a lesbian) I knew that I was in love with this woman. How can it ever happen? I had been married now going on four years to my second husband and had four children from a previous marriage who loved him very much and were happy. My very next thought was, “Wake up!” She is happily married with two young children. This will never happen, and if it did, how would it ever work out?

At hospice, we were like a family. We supported one another, venting about frustrating situations, grieving together when out clients died, along with a lot of joking and laughing. Business after hours consisted of dinner sometimes, taking walks, and talking about both business and our personal lives. Michelle and I began to spend a lot of time together doing just that. She supported me when my father died and let me talk when I needed to grieve.

During a staff meeting in July of the next year, the director announced that she and her family had rented a cabin in Cheboygan, MI for a week and that they were not able to go through with their plans. She said, “If any of you would like the opportunity to go to Cheboygan the week of August 6^th, just let me know.” I looked up at Michelle who was directly across the room from me and she was looking back. I nodded my head with acceptance. We talked after the meeting about how it would be nice to go away without any kids or our husbands. Within a couple of days we had made our plans. We would take the cabin for the weekend, allowing another staff member to take it for the rest of the week.

Now I am so excited, like a child waiting for Christmas. My heart is pounding. What am I going to do? How am I going to tell her my feelings? What if this kills the great relationship we already have? The “what ifs” just kept going on and on until it is time to leave. I have had my bags packed for a week. I am leaving home with no children, no husband; just me, my suitcase, and the woman I love. I am excited and nervous. I haven’t been able to sleep, only to think about how much I love her, how much I want to be with her, how much I want to find the right way to say, “Michelle, I love you.”

Today is the day. I get in my car and know that I have 25 minutes before I reach her house to pick her up. The “whens, whys, and hows” just keep turning in my mind. Holy cow, I am here already! I knock on her door, she puts her things in the trunk, and we flee as fast as we can. I want to stop the car just a block away from her home to kiss her.

We both knew that we had almost a 3-hour drive, but it goes by so quickly. We talk about how grateful we feel for this time together. We talk about life in general, our jobs, our families, even our husbands. We finally arrive at the cabin. Oh no! Someone is here! I knock at the door, and am relieved to find that it is just the owners, tidying up for our stay. We wait patiently. Well, Michelle does, but all I want is for us to be alone. Finally, they finish up and leave. I unpack the car, walk in with a huge lump in my throat, take a cleansing breath and say, “Here we are” with anxiety, nervousness, and excitement in my voice. I put our suitcases on the spare bed and suddenly become speechless. As I am trying to collect my thoughts, Michelle says, “There is no sense in messing up two beds seeing that Lea and her husband will be here in a couple of days.” I raise my eyebrows and say, “No, there isn’t.” I am really trying to breath here, she can hear me breathe, I need oxygen, my ears are ringing, my heart is throbbing, I am sweating, and I need to calm down. I fix us a drink and we sit at the kitchen table. I am trying to gather my thoughts and emotions. Sipping on my drink, I wonder, “Do I tell her now?” I am trying to appear calm as my soul mate sits down beside me. She is as beautiful as the sun that comes up over the trees on an early spring morning, and goes down in the late fall evening. The only thing I can think of to say is, “How about a game of cribbage?”

I rise early the next morning, my head pounding from lack of sleep, wondering why I didn’t put my arms around her, knowing how much I want to. We go to the nearest town to buy a few groceries for the weekend. When we return, I make breakfast. I cannot eat.

We play cribbage most of the day out on the deck beside the water. Talking about how peaceful and beautiful it is to be here. If there ever were doubts in my mind about how much I love her, there are no doubts now. This woman that sits across from me is my soul mate and I am going to tell her. And I do. And she does too.

This has been a fairy-tale weekend. However, it is quickly coming to an end. We both start packing in silence. Both of us wondering why it has to end. “Back to reality, girlfriend!” I say to myself. Driving home, it seems like forever. Neither of us speak for the first 60 miles. I reach over and take her hand, and the tears start. I want to be with her.

For the next nine weeks, we lived apart from one another, hating every minute of it, trying to figure out how to tell our families. We meet together every morning before work, and every night after work, making excuses to our families.

We finally took the leap, told our families, and rented a house to accommodate us all. “Us all” means her two children and my four children. Today, my four are grown, and have families of their own. My youngest son is gay and has only come out to the two of us. My daughter is a lesbian and lives with her partner. The two older boys have our grandchildren. Trent, the oldest grandchild at 3 years old, realizes that he has two grandmas. Our granddaughter is 20 months old. We love being grandparents and do not in any way hide our relationship from them. I am Grandma and Michelle is someone even more special. She is Honey. I thank God for her every day. My love for her has only grown over the past 71/2 years. I love the devotion she has to our family, her intelligence, generosity, beauty, kindness, and especially the way she still awes me as the enters the room.

We are moving about 190 miles away from home so that I can attend school. Michelle will continue her nursing career as a Traveling Nurse and I will go to school and work part-time. We will both be home for long weekends each week, as we still have children. Her position as a traveler will pay her a housing per diem. In this way, she is helping me to fulfill my dream.

I hope and pray that all who get to read my story can see how happy Michelle and I are. All of our children and grandchildren live normal, every-day lives. We camp, fish, hunt, attend Ryan’s sports activities, Jenna’s band concerts, go out to dinner, movies, laugh, and love. Love is the gift that we give our family.

As you can tell by reading my story, living apart was horrible. To live together forever is the reason why we gave up all the material things that we are made to believe are important. Love is more important than any possession.

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