KarMel
Scholarship 2007
|
“Roots” By Anonymous |
Desciption of Submission: This is a personal story about how I came to terms
with my homosexuality, and how my college experience will help preserve my
identity.
Ever since I was a boy, my parents
and peers knew me as a pious entity. My
faith became steadfast through daily studies of Christian apologetics and
nightly reverential prayers to God. I
believe God encouraged me not to conform to social norms and remain
reserved. I was happy pleasing Him. My struggle started during adolescence, when
I juggled between my sexual orientation and the Bible. I knew about the sin of homosexuality and I refused
to engage in any romance.
While I took my first steps into
Since childhood, I have attended
private schools where the population consisted entirely of Armenians and
Christians. I was taught to preserve my
Armenian heritage and remained sheltered inside a world where only conventional
values were accepted. Society, not the
individual, matters within this culture.
It isn’t uncommon to hear degrading remarks about other cultures and
races, or anything that isn't Armenian.
Morality is clearly defined: respecting authority is right and anything
untraditional is wrong. My parents’
anticipated I marry an Orthodox Armenian woman, settling into affluence with a
medical degree. It isn't surprising that
I grew up with a similar attitude, fatuously aiming to please my parents. But by entering
Outside of my comfort zone, I didn't
participate in my classes nor attempt to speak with anyone. My teachers forced collaboration through mock
trials and group projects, which compelled me to interact with my
classmates. Everyone appeared strange,
especially the amiable Filipina who introduced herself to me. She was so chatty and flamboyant, not quiet
and reserved like my family expected women to be. I felt ashamed being around her, particularly
when my contemptuous father dubbed her as a "madwoman" for talking so
much. But spending time with her allowed
me to look beyond the differences my father saw and find the common ground that
existed between us. She became someone
who helped me bridge the chasm in my mind between how I was raised and the
possibilities of life beyond that bubble.
Consequently, I grew more at ease with her, others, and eventually,
myself.
As I got to know my peers, I desired
to learn about their cultures and beliefs.
I learned about ceremonies such as the Mexican rite-of-passage called
Quincenera and the Muslim practice of Ramadan fasting. Many shared the history of their own
countries. The rest of the world had its
own story to tell and now I wanted to listen.
My family dismissed the significance of understanding different
nationalities, but others' stories intrigued me. I wanted to accept people from other cultures
not Armenian, from other beliefs not Christian, from other lifestyles not
traditional. Questioning the parochial views
I had been taught, I began considering a different dream for my future, where I
followed my passions rather than the pursuit of wealth. Gradually, I became friends with classmates
who took pride in their differences, and I respected them for their confidence
in themselves, recalling my otherness that still existed in me. At the end of my junior year, I accepted my
homosexual nature and felt empowered to share this knowledge with others. Allowing me to break away from my parents’
wishes, school helped me uncover my unique character and feel comfortable with
myself. I realized the more I was
learning about others, the more I deciphered about myself. Discovering a part of me, I learned to
further accept the differences in others- whether gay or Atheist,
or any other choice a person would prefer.
I knew my family would have trouble accepting my true identity, but I
yearned to cut the roots that my culture had entangled in my mind. I am still cracking free from my shell of
reticence, and I know my college route will better sprout the roots that define
me.