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Sunlight hasn't broken through,
The dark, thick canopy.
How long has it been?
How long have I,
A simple person by most standards,
Been wandering in this maze?
Feels like forever...
Here I stand.
I am at an impass.
Where do I go from here?
Left? Right?
Up? Down?
In? Out?
Whirling madly in a 6 dimensional world,
Faster and faster,
The feeling inside making me sick,
The fear of the unknown,
Of being lost,
Driving me to my knees,
In total despair.
I am a child, young, innocent,
My eyes and hands stained,
Stained blood red and forest green,
By the world in which I wander.
Why wont the spinning,
The maddening spinning of this phantasmagoric nightmare,
Why
Won’t
It
Cease?
I flash down a path
Chosen at random by my frantic mind.
Limbs whip at my unprotected face,
My unprotected face,
My face,
Stings with the gashes
From the world in which I wander.
I am fleeing a terror unknown,
Pursued closely by an enemy I cannot confront.
It is on my heels,
Snapping at my mind,
Sapping at my heart,
Searing toward my soul,
Scalding my resolve,
Saddening me in ways too numerous to count!
The foe I feel is feeding and flaming
Inside my mind
And in our society.
Its pursuit is heavy and heated.
It does not tire.
It does not end.
Why
Won’t
It
Cease?
I snap into clarity
And cease my steps.
The roaring
Thundering
Screaming fear I feel will force me to falter…
Fails.
The road on which I fled
The fear of which was as yet unnamed
Is lined by bystanders.
As the sound of my thundering heart eases from my ears
A whispering can be heard
Among the starting standers by.
I stop, bent over,
Catching my breath,
Taking a short break.
Then,
Apprehensive to what terror might be next,
I raise my head to see what those who stare,
Those who glare,
I look to see who is standing there.
And a wave of fear again threatens to consume me,
Embarrassment,
Shame,
Emotions I cannot connect with anything happening now,
I feel out of control and spinning once again,
And I show fear.
Why
Won’t
It
Cease?
The crowd converges around me,
Whispers turning to mutterings
Mutterings to gossip,
Gossip to lies,
Lies to jeers,
Jeers to shouts,
And shouts to cries of hatred!
FAG!
QUEER!
I DON’T UNDERSTAND!
You! You are ignorant!
How can you judge me when you have NO IDEA
NO IDEA
NO IDEA
WHO
I
AM?
Stand there behind the fence of your own inadequacy,
A mere Xerox of the bastard next to you
In clothing, personality, and attitude,
Afraid to stand out for fear of being pulled back in.
Are you scared?
What will I do?
Is it the unknown that worries
Terrifies
Alarms
Panics you
Into forcing it into submission?
Why
Won’t
It
Cease?
I am no different than you.
I am a human being.
I love.
Who I love is not in your control,
Nor should it be.
You tell me “It’s a choice”
I tell you
To fuck off.
Why would someone “choose”
To be ridiculed?
To be abused?
To have the government tell him
Whom he can marry
And raise a family with?
To have his peers label him as “FAG”
A sissy boy, weak, emotional, strange?
To watch his parents cry to him
Because in their eyes, he is a failure as a son,
When in his heart, he knows for a fact,
That they are glorious successes as parents.
Why would someone choose this?
No one.
This shows your stupidity.
So before you shout
FAG!
One
More
Fucking
Time
Take a moment.
Stop and realize
That every time you shout,
Each word is a bump in the road.
Skin on the feet
Walking that road
Will blister for a time,
And your words will have effect,
You will cause pain!
But those blisters will turn to calluses
And those feet will trample each and every word down into the mud,
Taking you and your ideas with them.
On the path,
The words cut deep.
But that pain causes my confusion to end.
I push the crowd back
I raise my head up high
The cries of “Fag”
“Queer”
“Sissy” flying.
I look around
And the “sissy” punches each fucking person in the teeth.
I step past their stricken faces,
Shocked at the presence of a contradiction,
And onto the road,
Leaving all of them in the past
To dwell on their unusable mouths
Of broken teeth
Broken hatred
And broken lies.
Finally.
It has ceased.
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