KarMel Scholarship 2007

 

 “Why It Gotta Be Gay”

By Dale Madison

 

 

Desciption of Submission: a prose i wrote after the breakup with a lover who did not undertsand the importance of living life outside the closet.

 

 

I called my ex one day so excited and said “I just saw this wonderful program on the GAY channel about GAY Dads.”

He asked me “Why it Gotta be GAY?”

I just ignored his response and went on “It was this really moving story about the struggles we have as a GAY community raising a kid and being positive role models. I saw it on that new GAY channel.”

He asked me again “Why it Gotta be GAY?”

Well honey I responded, “We as a GAY community never had a channel dedicated to our experiences and our lifestyles. This is groundbreaking.”

He said, “Why can’t you just say you saw a program on adoption on a channel. Why do you feel the need the highlight it as being GAY?

Coming out of the closet was an experience that would change the path of my life for ever. I came out in the spring of 1976 shortly after my 18th birthday.  I was a senior in high school and I fell in love with Eddie Greene the most popular kid in school and the most talented.  Being a boyfriend of the most popular kid in school filled me with pride. 

And in those days’ kids who were having sex would wear their “Hickey’s” as a medal of honor.  It’s advertisement that tells all your friends “hey look at me I’m having sex” 

It was like those broken blood vessels with something to be proud of.

I remember coming home and my Dad asked me which girlfriend put the hickey on your neck.

I proudly responded "or boy friend?"   He walked out of the house.  When he returned twenty minutes later he told me I had to move of his house. 

My DAD said “Why my son gotta be GAY?

 My life changed in that moment.  I had to figure out where I was going to live.  My friends were preparing for the high school prom and I was shopping for an apartment.  The next seven days were a living hell.  My father had to pass by my bedroom in each night as he left for work.  One night he said to me that he held a gun over my head as I slept and had wanted to kill me.  I knew I needed to get out of that place real quickly.  When I told my boyfriend what my father had said. He became so scared he dumped me. He was afraid that my father might actually try to kill me and he’d get caught in the crossfire.

My boyfriend said “Why you had to go tell him you were GAY?”

 I was determined never to live life in a closet. Most of my friends know I leave the closet doors open in all the rooms to my house. It was my personal mission to teach all straight people that GAY people were just like them.  It’s nothing to be afraid of. We just have sex with same sex instead of the opposite sex.  Everything else is pretty much the same.

 A male co-worker told me about a strip club he had went to and a lap dance he received from a busty female.  Instead of pretending that women were my sexual interest, I identified by sharing with him my experience with a male stripper I had seen at a GAY bar.   After he picked his face up off the floor, he had to admit he respected me for being open and treating my GAY life just as normal as he treated his straight life.  Yeah that’s me, spreading universal acceptance, teaching one straight person at a time.

My conviction to live my life open has cost me much heartache.  I’ve lost lovers who were afraid to be associated with me. I’ve had high profile relationships that had to be cut short. I’ve had lovers who felt any display of public affection was the kiss of death. Holding hands in a car, we might get caught at a red light and exposed as GAY.

 Yeah that’s why it's GOTTA BE GAY. The GAY TV show, the GAY foster care, the GAY adoption, the GAY cruise, the GAY movie, the GAY restaurant, the GAY book, the GAY art show, the GAY church, the GAY poetry reading, the GAY stores, the GAY cable channel, the GAY water fountains, the GAY restrooms, the right to GAY vote, the right to GAY marriage, the pain of a fucking GAY divorce. 

I only read about the STONEWALL riots of 1969, but I saw the riots in Baltimore after Martin Luther King was assassinated. People died for being GAY. They were arrested for wearing clothing of the opposite gender. People died for being Black.  Black men were hung for looking at a white woman. No being GAY is not a color like being African-American, but I can no more erase being GAY than I can erase being Black.  That’s just me shouting from the mountaintops because I remember.

I’m not slamming you DL brothers or GAY brothers who want to keep it discreet. I understand some of you guys are afraid. You do what you have to do to survive in this crazy world.  Just don’t slam me because I GOTTA  be GAY.  So in response to your question, don’t ask me any more “Why it GOTTA BE GAY” Just remember the immortal words of Bette Davis in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane: “Blance we got gay rats in the cellar”

 

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