KarMel Scholarship 2007

“In the Closet”

By Anonymous

Desciption of Submission: This is a poem about how being in the closet is basically like acting as a character that's not truly you. It is something that all gay people go through in their lives, and at the end, the acting ends and you are gay in the world, which isn't a bad thing.

It is here that I perform my life,

Here on this stage, face-forward to the audience;

Here I act out what I want it to see,

Here my façade lives.

This costume, this carefully planned out script:

No line can be mistaken, for fear of persecution retains

The perfection of craft in structure and voice.

The threads of my bland costume must hold

For fear of my colors being visible by this audience;

No flaw is allowed, for it is wrong.

I observe the crowd for the split second of a breath.

Here I see the world’s perception of me:

I have entertained it with flawless acting;

My talk of the opposite gender has shadowed my true desire;

I lie buried under Christianity,

And have upheld emotional discomfort with the piercing

Crashes of “Fag” and “Homo” and “Queer”;

I have successfully performed In the Closet.

The bowing proceeds, as I stand before the audience,

And I take a longer look this time:

I see the smiles of those that wear crosses,

Of those that hate me and are fooled,

Of those that share my darkness and those naïve of its existence,

And of those that love.

And I await the moments after the bowing in which I

Come out from backstage, out of my costume,

To greet all that enjoyed my performance

And all that love my character off-stage.

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