KarMel
Scholarship 2007
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“Poem” By Anonymous |
Desciption of Submission: Autobiographical poem describing a
woman's journey from early childhood to finally coming into her own as a
bisexual adult. Touches on themes of
religion, incest, child molestation, gender identity, straight love, lesbian
love, self-acceptance, faith, and bisexuality.
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Childhood Religion
fostered a safe place to hide--a blue-eyed man who heroically died. His book
was my manual for day and for night. My
world divided in neat black and white. They said
lying was bad and stealing was too. I
learned to pray and all I should do. My tidy box
helped me sleep tight--no boogie-men devils could reach me at night. But life
didn’t stay safe, warm, and sweet--men began to treat me solely as meat. Grandpa wouldn’t
keep his hands away and sitter would also hurt me that way. A long, dark tunnel grabbed hold onto me. And the
next twenty years that’s where I would be.
Adolescence I was shy
and broken and lonely for love--no longer finding comfort above. But boys
don’t like girls who sit alone. So I
hid away and wrote poems at Other
girls were just a mystery. There were
shiny, soft, poised, pretty. I didn’t
understand boys much more. They were
mean and rough— So I
closed that door. It didn’t
seem I had anywhere to fit— Not with
boys, or the girls…that was just
it: Young
Adulthood With the
awkward teen years far enough behind, I began to focus on developing my mind. Ani
Difranco helped to open my eyes! And
Anne Frank understood why I’d try to hide. I grew
brave in my beauty--A different
kind--of spirit and courage--gritty and kind. Suddenly
a man looked at me that way--tenderly
promising that he would stay. I met
love for the first time but it wasn’t the last--for years later that man
became my past. The
solace I sought, I found in a girl. She
loved me and drew me into her world. Though
I’d had feelings this way a few times before, she made it real and I wanted for more. We drank
each other in--mind, soul, and being--it was a crazy passion, wild and freeing— Like a
tempest that crashed open our hearts, it consumed us completely then broke us
apart. Adulthood Now a
woman of twenty-five, I am raw from my journey but strong & alive. I’ve
embraced my passion for both woman and man-and my heart is healthier than it’s
ever been. I see
that it’s not “Pick one! Choose!” I turned away from the pressure and simply
refused. Isn’t
love found in the strangest of places--in a rainbow of hearts, minds, lives,
and faces? I know
now that God deeply loves who She has made— Surely God is of love and never of hate! I am free
now to love, to give, and to be. Never again will I live as less than me. |