KarMel
Scholarship 2007
|
“Confusion” By Shawnda
Coates |
Desciption of Submission: Explorative Essay about interaction of spirituality
and sexuality – restricted to one belief.
|
I have always believed
that all humans are equal. Unless they
don't want to be. I hear the fear and anger
in the voices of those who don't understand, and are afraid of understanding. Then there are those who
seem, to me, to be extremists on the other side. The day I thought this scared me for
a bit. I sounded like the 'opponents'! I feel that any person has
the right to do, with their body and life, anything they want- as long as it doesn't
hurt someone else. But Spirituality finally,
for me, conflicted with what I saw someone else do. I was watching a movie
documentary about a transgender and his friends (mostly transgenders as well). All
well and good. But the main person was
in a heterosexual relationship with a transgender. Again, no issue. Except...wait... Please
allow me to explain more. The picture before me was
a man, who was born female, dating a woman, who had been born male. They had
done the surgery and were discussing the quality of surgery available to them and other transgenders. They met through their support group (if
I remember correctly). Why did they change their
genders? A person has a number of
reasons for this, and I accept that. But this particular situation had my
curiousity up. See, my 'issue', as it
is, comes from my belief in reincarnation. I could explain their desire to switch
genders because they had been comfortable as the opposite gender
in the previous round. But, if the reader will allow, let me take this one more step
(to further expose the issue). This couple may have been a couple before. With gender roles as they have caused them
to be now. Being born opposite of that which was,
would reverse those roles and teach new lessons. If the premise can be
believed, that I have presented, then would their choice to revert to a previous
condition affect their spirits progression through it's lessons? Perhaps they were supposed to be in the 'uncomfortable' opposite
roles together! They would be able to support each other,
through love, and learn to better relate to that which may have been critized before. But they have put
themselves (continuing the premise) 'back into their old skins'. They will still experience new things, so lessons can still
be learned. But, are those lessons being learned, or are they slowing their spiritual
evolution? Or... I couldn't watch the rest
of the documentary. I have always been
uncomfortable around those who choose to complain (which was going on
and on about the surgeons and such) and choose to remain in a spot because it's "comfy". I can't say I am
right. I can't say I'm wrong. I grew up knowing people
of the "alternative lifestyles".
Nice term. Like it's a choice for these people?
But I've just raised that point myself! Maybe it is???... Um, well now. Let's see... I have found that I am
bisexual. I don't persue my own
gender. I considered what the two genders offered- pro's and con's- and chose the one I was
most willing to deal with. As a woman, I am what I call a Female Chavunist. I know what my gender is capable of ('been there, done that'
attitude) and judge other women against that.
Most fall very short of their own abilities- with circumstances
included. With all my masculinity, I figure I was a guy in a past life. More than once. I tend to defend men. So, this is a good oppurtunity for me to attempt to understand
feminity better. Why do I choose to not be
with women? I have more experience
with men. I feel women are too easy to be with.
I take what I percieve is the harder route- even though, ironically, it appears to be the easier route. Just finding myself attracted to men does
Not make them easier to
understand or deal with! But, returning to our
ealier premise- perhaps I'm merely indulging myself by choosing to stay with one gender soley? Perhaps I'm slowing my growth? The people who are afraid
of what they don't understand keep ringing in our ears- as we face our own confusion within ourselves. At least that couple, and
all others who face this 'confusion' of the Spirit, do so with an open enough mind to
face fears, hatred and anger (even inner anger), rather than to resort to hiding from the possibilities of reality- both
within and without. They have made A choice. At least their life is
embraced. |