KarMel Scholarship 2006
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Best from Family/Friend of Gay Person “Be Not Afraid” By Carla Rilling - NC |
Description of Submission: ”Personal story about me and my mom” -
Carla
Why Karen and Melody Liked
It: We thought it was very touching to show your
mother's struggle in dealing
with her sexuality at at time when it was difficult to be gay/lesbian.
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“Are you gay?” my mom asked. I paused for a moment to ponder my
answer. “Yes”, I said as confidently
as I could muster, but quite uncertain about the response that would
follow. That’s the short version of my
coming-out. I was in my early 20’s and
recently had moved into my parent’s house so I could afford to go to
college. I guess the love letters from
my girlfriend raised the rainbow flag of suspicion for my mom. The rest of my family didn’t have a clue,
and despite my mom’s request, I was not ready for a coming-out confrontation
with my dad or siblings. I was still
in the initial stages of coming-out to myself. So the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy was
well ingrained long before President Clinton coined the phrase. Mom and I sat down to talk,
woman-to-woman. Being the private and
introverted person that I am, Mom only received a rough outline for my
life. I had reached the point in my
development where I felt that my mom was a wise woman, and maybe I should
listen to her advice. Mom told me,
“the fewer people that know you are gay, the better off you’ll be”. I asked myself, do I really believe this,
or is it coming from our religious beliefs?
Then the shocker rolled across her tongue and out of her mouth,
“Carla, I’m gay too”. What did she
just say? Am I hearing things? No, I do believe my mom just told me se is
gay. But how can that be? Granted, my parents didn’t marry until
their late thirties, but they’ve been married all of my life. I think I need to sit down. Oh, I am sitting. Mom proceeded to tell me the highlights
of her story. She was born during the
Great Depression, the sixth of seven children. She was always the tomboy. I’ve seen pictures and heard stories of my
mom racing cars on the dirt speedways of My mother’s words were stuck in my head,
“The fewer people that know you are gay, and the better off you’ll be”. Maybe Mom is right. Believing that she knew what was best for me,
I married a man that I met in one of my college classes. We’d only known each other a few
months. I told him prior to the
marriage that I was bisexual. “Not a
problem”, he said. I told myself that
I could control my love and desire for women.
My farce with myself and the world continued until the sudden and
unexpected death of my mom a few years later. My world was turned upside down. My Mom’s death was cause for me to look at
my own mortality and the impermanence of life. Is this how I really want to live my life? Do I want to live a life full of lies and
deceit? I was at a crossroads with
myself, and only I could choose the path I would follow. For the first time in my life, I felt free. Free from what others would think of
me. Free of my own mental
bondage. Free to be the person I was
created to be. I wanted to be the
genuine me, not just the shell of a person. Soon after I made the decision to live
as the genuine me, I met the love of my life.
Whynn, a beautiful and articulate woman was introduced to me at a local
social gathering. The attraction was
instant. Even though I had been
planning to end my marriage in a few months, I was still married. However, fate had a different course in
mind for me. Instead of tip-toeing out
of the closet, I took a running leap.
I had a gut feeling that leaving my marriage would not be an easy
task. I could not bear the thought of
subjecting Wynn to the misery that would follow. She refused to leave my side, and supported
me through all of it. Soon we will
celebrate twelve joyous years together, and look forward to many more. Shortly after we met, Wynn and I
discovered that we would be traveling in the vicinity of where Peggy
lives. I was on a quest to find out
more about my mom’s life, and I knew Peggy would have the answers. I contacted Peggy to tell her the vents
that had transpired in my life and to see if she could fill in the gaps about
my mom’s lesbian life. Peggy was
wonderful! She had prepared a
scrapbook full of pictures of her and my mom.
Peggy’s stories revealed a wonderful love story that took them from
the East Coast, to There are still many unanswered
questions I have about my mom’s life.
Many times I have reflected on her statement, the fewer people that
know you’re gay, the better off you’ll be”.
I now know the context from whence this came from. For my mom, it was a time of secrecy and
hiding to protect all that was near and dear to her. Being different from the norm was not
appreciated or accepted. I am
fortunate to live in a time where diversity is appreciated and
encouraged. But let us not forget the
lessons of the past. We still live in
a world where narrow-minded people exist.
Some of these people are our neighbors, co-workers, politicians, and
family members. However, let us not be
afraid to live our lives out loud and proud. |