KarMel Scholarship 2005
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“Proudly Coming Out” By
Walter Thomas |
Desciption of Submission: “Story of when I came out to my family.” -
Walter
I suppose it all started out like the old
gospel song One day at a time. I can recall my third grade year of school
having a crush on a boy in my class. While everyone else was dating girls
and/or having crushes I was admiring "Jake". My fifth grade year he
moved away to
It wasn't until my freshmen year of high
school; one of my best friends told me and everyone else that she was a
lesbian. Wow, what an earth shaker! I too came out that day but only to her and
a few close friends. After telling my best friend I felt better of course, but
how could I tell my parents? That was the tough one. Over the years I tried to
find myself physically, spiritually and emotionally. I fought with myself many
times denying who I really was. One day I was straight and just confused the
next I was bisexual then the next I was gay. I even rationalized it with the
thinking that I was straight. However, I had somehow gone strange in the head
and my desires had gotten split. I was physically attracted to men while
emotionally attracted to women. During those years I tried dating girls and it
and of course it never worked. Little did I realize that I just wasn't being
true to myself. Having a strong religious background,
and Gods calling on my life to preach how could I be gay?
One day my father asked me point blank if
I thought I was gay. Of course in fear of my life I answered no. I really
wasn't lying to my dad I knew I was gay not thought it. My sister is the first family member that I
came out to, what a relief. She acted as if she already knew I say she did
along with everybody else. At the age of sixteen I had my first boyfriend.
During a phone conversation one day my mom had overhead what was said. I told
her that day I was gay. At first mom went in to tears, then anger. Later that
week I was in my room when mom came in. She sits down on the bed beside me and
said, you are my son and I love you no matter what. That was a big relief for
me.
At the age of twenty I moved for the first
time in my life. I had gone wild. I was at the gay bar in town every night and
thought I was living it up. At that time I had came out to everyone else but my
father. How could I tell my dad that I was gay and liked men? Well I didn't
have to tell my dad. My twin brother told him for me. Dad had called me that
evening and asked me if I was gay. What? I didn’t know what to say. I refused
to answer him at first, in fear of my life. Finally, I spoke up and said Dad
yes I am gay. But I want to tell you "it's not a life style or choice it
is who I am and it is the way I was born."
To this day my parents still deny the fact
that I am gay. Mom says it is a phase and that I will get over it. But yet she
says I love you son, no matter what. Dad
doesn’t think that it is right, and that it is an awful sin. We don't have a
great relationship and we never talk about it. I know that they are hurt by the
news and confused. But one day I hope we will cross that bridge and be able to
talk about it. I am happy with my life now. Knowing that is no longer made a
secret. I am happier with life and more people seem to accept me for that. I am
23 years old now and have a great boyfriend of four months. Which by the way my
family loves and dad seems to think we are just "friends." I am now
taking One Day at a time and enjoying life, because, all I have to be is me.
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