KarMel Scholarship 2005

 

 “Snowflakes”

By SaraLee Anderson

 

 

Desciption of Submission: “A tale of my journey of self-discovery.” - SaraLee

 

 

After being accepted to UNLV, I received an orientation schedule of events. Looking through it I saw an event titled “Out & About: Being Homosexual on campus.” I knew if I told my parents I was going to that particular meeting, I would get another lecture about being gay so I lied. Walking into the room, I only saw three people there and my heart dropped a little. Over the next few minutes however, the room filled up with people talking, laughing and trading stories about the campus. The meeting started 20 minutes, which I later learned was the usual with the GLBT people on my campus. From that meeting on, I was inseparable from the GSA. I learned, in my first semester at school, a very valuable lesson. I am alright the way I am and I can be accepted for who I am. This however brought up a new question for me. Who am I? In the Multicultural Student Affairs office was a man named Joseph who was the GSA advisor. He was a very out gay man and his office door was always open for anyone who needed to talk. I remember going to talk with him one day because I was confused. I thought that to be gay, you had to like only the same sex, and be absolutely repulsed by the opposite sex. I asked him if it was ok for me to look at a male and think that he was cute. Joseph asked me if I wanted to sleep with him just because he was cute and explained to me that sexuality is fluid. Over many meetings with Joseph I began to accept myself for my sexuality instead of believing there was a defect with me.

 

During my sophomore year at school, my floor-mates in my residence hall had a nickname for me. They called me Butch. Most of them didn’t even know my name but everywhere I went on campus I was known as Butch. I didn’t mind really, but I never felt like I was a butch. Stereotypical butches worked on cars and I couldn’t even drive a car! Eventually I decided that I was more butch than fem and accepted my new title. However, this got me to thinking more about my identity than my sexuality. Joseph transferred to a different school so I turned to a few of my friends. I knew that I wasn’t a woman so I asked my transgender friends how to know if I was a man. The best answer they could give was just that being a man would feel right. It would feel like I was finally aligned with myself and a sense of peace would come over me. I thought for many weeks over this, mostly trying to picture myself as a man. Finally I went back to my best friend and said to him “I cant see myself as a man. It feels just as wrong as being a woman. But what else do I have to choose from?” He sat me down and explained something to me that changed the rest of my life. He said “people are like snowflakes. They are all different yet inherently the same. Gender is as fluid as sexuality. Name one person who is completely masculine. Name one person who is completely feminine.” We talked all night about gender, sexuality and snowflakes. In the morning I felt better, but I still didn’t know what to call myself.

 

The next semester I was elected President of the GSA group, which we now called Spectrum. Every day someone new would ask me what letter I stood for and I could never pinpoint just one. During this semester I met Vienna, and we began dating. I felt that I could talk openly with Vienna about my identity problems and she listened. Over the next few months she helped me research and talk to people everywhere about gender. Finally I found a number of people just like me and I no longer felt like a loner in the gay world and an outcast in the straight world. These other women called themselves Birls, Queer Gendered, or A-Gendered and I like that. Like them, I am most often mistaken for a man and get stared at as people try to decide my gender. I feel most comfortable in a pair of jeans and white tee shirt with short-cropped hair and my arm flung over my girlfriends shoulder. I am neither gender yet both genders. My girlfriend calls me her A-Genderedfriend and I don’t mind getting called sir now that I know who I am. I am the type of person that needs to be surrounded by absolutes. Learning that I could call myself a Birl helped me feel more grounded with myself. Now when people ask me what letter I stand for, I tell them I am a birl and proud of it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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