KarMel Scholarship 2005
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“Snowflakes” By
SaraLee Anderson |
Desciption of Submission: “A tale of my journey of self-discovery.”
- SaraLee
After being accepted to UNLV, I received an orientation schedule of
events. Looking through it I saw an event titled “Out & About: Being
Homosexual on campus.” I knew if I told my parents I was going to that
particular meeting, I would get another lecture about being gay so I lied.
Walking into the room, I only saw three people there and my heart dropped a
little. Over the next few minutes however, the room filled up with people
talking, laughing and trading stories about the campus. The meeting started 20
minutes, which I later learned was the usual with the GLBT people on my campus.
From that meeting on, I was inseparable from the GSA. I learned, in my first
semester at school, a very valuable lesson. I am alright the way I am and I can
be accepted for who I am. This however brought up a new question for me. Who am
I? In the Multicultural Student Affairs office was a man named Joseph who was
the GSA advisor. He was a very out gay man and his office door was always open
for anyone who needed to talk. I remember going to talk with him one day
because I was confused. I thought that to be gay, you had to like only the same
sex, and be absolutely repulsed by the opposite sex. I asked him if it was ok
for me to look at a male and think that he was cute. Joseph asked me if I
wanted to sleep with him just because he was cute and explained to me that
sexuality is fluid. Over many meetings with Joseph I began to accept myself for
my sexuality instead of believing there was a defect with me.
During my sophomore year at school, my floor-mates in my residence hall
had a nickname for me. They called me Butch. Most of them didn’t even know my
name but everywhere I went on campus I was known as Butch. I didn’t mind
really, but I never felt like I was a butch. Stereotypical butches worked on
cars and I couldn’t even drive a car! Eventually I decided that I was more
butch than fem and accepted my new title. However, this got me to thinking more
about my identity than my sexuality. Joseph transferred to a different school
so I turned to a few of my friends. I knew that I wasn’t a woman so I asked my
transgender friends how to know if I was a man. The best answer they could give
was just that being a man would feel right. It would feel like I was finally
aligned with myself and a sense of peace would come over me. I thought for many
weeks over this, mostly trying to picture myself as a man. Finally I went back
to my best friend and said to him “I cant see myself
as a man. It feels just as wrong as being a woman. But what else do I have to
choose from?” He sat me down and explained something to me that changed the
rest of my life. He said “people are like snowflakes. They are all different
yet inherently the same. Gender is as fluid as sexuality. Name one person who
is completely masculine. Name one person who is completely feminine.” We talked
all night about gender, sexuality and snowflakes. In the morning I felt better,
but I still didn’t know what to call myself.
The next semester I was elected President of the GSA group, which we now
called Spectrum. Every day someone new would ask me what letter I stood for and
I could never pinpoint just one. During this semester I met
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