KarMel Scholarship 2005

 

Runner Up – Written Category

“Buzz --”

By Angel Ochoa - IL

 

 

Desciption of Submission: “It is a poem about two gay men.  They hold onto their relationship as much as they can amid societal discrimination.  The socity is represented by feet and figuratively affect the two men.  The poem ends in the separation of the two men.  However, their love for each other never dies within their memories. “ - Angel

 

 

Biography:  Angel will be a sophomore attending University of Chicago.  He will major in Human Development and minor in Spanish.  In the future, he hopes to focus on mental and clinical pscyhology.

 

Why Karen and Melody Liked It: This was a very well written poem.  It was very descriptive in the two men’s relationship and the affects of society.

 

Did you enjoy reading this poem?  Then feel free to send a message to Angel at: angel@uchicago.edu

 

 

I can feel my arms breaking

My forearms reaching for help;

A cry of despair and a longing

For a stable connection---

                                              to you.

 

My arms, my fingers, grasping grasping---

                                                                        for you.

 

Sweat and dirt, mud.

Muddy fingers slipping---

                                              from you.

 

A mix of hatred and anger from their soiled feet.

They stomp stomp stomp the ground beneath them

Unitl it breaks, until their prejudices break me---

                                                                                  from you.

 

My arms. I can feel my shoulders pulled forward

While your fingers tug mine---

                                                    toward you.

 

My fingers are bleeding; crushed and mangled.

But they still hold on, they still fight for justice.

They fight---

                        for you.

 

Slipping. Slipping. My fingers are slipping.

My blood. A spilled innocence. Me. They won't let me.

They see my manly fingers, potential seeds for the womb,

As blasphemy to be---

                                           with you.

 

My battered knuckles are straining. My muscles are stretching.

My veins are a pool of sorrow,

And my heart, my heart;

Pumping, begging, my pleas of belonging

To them and me---

                                  to you.

 

My heart feels your inner drums inside

And they are beating. Beating. Beating...

They drum through my flesh, my fleshy knuckles-

And resonate our memories through the dark waters

Streaming from my hands; a familiar dark red.

It is painful. It hurts to be---

                                                 with you.

 

And my eyes. I can't see. They are clouded.

Blind. Blinded by their kicking feet,

Engraving granules of jaded rocks,

Of a jaded sentimentality.

I have sand digging into my pupils,

Digging with it's narrowed illusions;

Illusions of man and woman. Not me---

                                                                    and you.

 

Spinning together with my eyes closed,

I can see the static images

Of my fingers imprinted behind my eye lids,

Of my fingers buzzing in this itching darkness

Surrounding my eyes.

Buzz.

My fingers are splitting---

                                             from you.

 

Spinning together. Spinning.

I can feel your fingers holding onto mine.

Strong. Tense. Manly;

A course grip of fear.

You are not letting go---

                                           of me.

 

Your fingers are almost impervious to their feet.

Your nails scrape at their skinless soles,

At their prejudices against you---

                                                         and me.

 

Against you and me.

Against you and me.

 

But there are so many of them.

So many toes sanding my eyes with scratches.

So many heels grinding our fingers to bony grips.

So many.

 

Buzz---

 

A soft crack; splintered agony.

Our fingers split.

I am on the floor.

 

Buzz---

 

Silence; an echo of my heart screaming.

 

Buzz---

 

My veins are dangling. My life is running from the persecutors.

It pours out through my shattered veins,

Into the black mud all around my body.

 

Buzz---

 

All around me I see a white shadow behind my failed eyes.

It is wrapping itself with my memories.

My memories of you.

 

Buzz---

 

It is you. It is you.

You are still holding on to me, to our memories of us.

 

Buzz---

 

I can feel you across the miles of my fallen body.

Muddy. Almost physical; like there was no separation.

Spiritual. I can feel you right beside me.

 

Buzz---

 

We are still holding.

Together. In our minds.

 

 

Did you enjoy reading this poem?  Then feel free to send a message to Angel at: angel@uchicago.edu

 

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