KarMel Scholarship 2005

“They Said”

By Anonymous

Desciption of Submission: “Narrative told through quotes of what people have said to or about me regarding gays, my relationship with my girlfriend and myself throughout the past year.” - Anonymous

My pious Jehovah’s Witness friend, the charismatic, flirtatious one who cannot date until marriage, advised, “Anna, you’re very pretty. You could just…play it up a little more. Make guys notice you. They totally would.”

My best friend Alex said tolerantly, “You just said that acting silly and girly pisses you off, Anna. You essentially just said you’re a lesbian.”

My father told me, “Beating your best friend’s boyfriend at arm wrestling is not very attractive to boys, I just want to tell you.”

Devon, the one who got plastic surgery over Christmas break, asked Taylor, “When did Anna become a lesbian?”

Devon added, “I’ve always doubted Anna’s sexuality.”

I asked, “Why? I never doubted it.”

Jess exclaimed, looking at my triceps, “You’ve got guns, man!”

My best friend Chris said, “You and Maya really are the cutest couple. Aside from me and Jordan, of course.”

Alex told me, “You’re a lesbian, Anna! Just admit it! You work harder at this construction work community service thing than all the rest of us and you’d rather play basketball than do your nails and you have a girlfriend. You’re a man!”

I asked, “Am I a man or a lesbian? Please enlighten me.”

Alex said, “I love you. Because you’re smart and funny and I can talk to you. You’re not frivolous. And I know you’re not a man.”

Alex asked, “Do you love her?”

(I did not answer)

My history teacher claimed, “That’s why I can’t get married. Guys don’t like women like me who win at arm-wrestling competitions.”

(I laughed. I told Jean, “I guess I’m never getting married.”)

Shawn asked hopefully, “Do you guys use toys?”

Rory asked excitedly, “Do you guys use toys?”

I said, “No, but we have good sex anyway.”

(chorus) “Sex? How?”

My best friend Sam said, “Love has nothing to do with sex. People you love become attractive in their own right. I think anybody could really love anybody else, regardless of sex, if they let themselves.”

The President announced, “Gays don’t love. Homosexuality is unnatural. Everyone must abide by my Christian principles, because I am a good, down-home Christian, despite the fact that I am trying to re-legalize segregation and take away the rights of thousands of law-abiding American citizens who only want the legal right to love each other.”

John Kerry said, “Civil unions.”

Chief Justice Earl Warren held in Brown v. Board of Education, “Separate but equal is inherently unequal.”

I said, “Amen.”

The US Supreme Court said, by default, “It’s okay that Florida bans gay adoption. It’s okay that Florida allows adoption by former child molesters. All we’re interested in is that the kids have a mother and a father. After all, it’s those two factors that define a healthy family. State’s rights and all that. Yo.”

I asked, “When did the constitution become a proponent of prejudice? It has always guaranteed rights, not denied them.”

Blair said seriously, “Banning homosexual marriage? God, that’s so gay. Lesbians should totally be allowed to get married—that’s hot!”

Corey said, “Do you think you’re going to marry a woman or a man?”

I said, “First, ask if I think I’m going to marry.”

Corey asked, “Do you love her?”

(I did not answer)

(chorus) “So like, which of you is the guy? Not to stereotype or anything…”

(us) “Like, both of us have vaginas. We’re both girls.”

Rory said, “You know you miss cock. How ‘bout a threesome?”

I said, “I do not. And no.”

Mel said, “Rachel is so nice! She said how cute it is that you’re not ashamed to walk down the hall with your arm around Maya.”

I said, “Tell her I think it’s cute that she’s not ashamed to walk down the hall with her arm around Jonathan.”

Lee said, “Wear tight pants. Trust me. Guys will stare.”

Maya said, “Wear pajamas. They’re comfy. I like you either way.”

Cameron told me, “Jamie was so funny at the inauguration, yelling at these lesbian protestors to go home and get husbands. It was hilarious. By the way, we could tell they were lesbians and not merely feminists because they were wearing pink. Actually, there is no difference. Feminists and lesbians are the same. Actually, those are the same as liberals, communists, and terrorists. Gay men are just demonic.”

I said, “I wear pink. And I am not a lesbian. I dress like anyone on the street. And like myself. I like comfort better than style but sometimes I can get them to collide, and I like boxing better than shopping, and I like men better than women but I like women also. And I have a girlfriend.”

Alex said, “Do you love her?”

I said, “Yes.”

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