KarMel Scholarship 2005
|
Best Gay Marriage
“Our Wedding Story”
By
Charity Kuahiwinui - WA
|
Desciption of Submission: “A detailed description of our adventures
in SF while attempting to marry in February 2004.” - Charity
Why Karen and Melody Liked
It: It was a very well
written and detail personal story of group of gay couples getting married in San Francisco.
It all started on
Friday February 13, 2004.
We had planned to play bridge and drink wine with some friends of ours,
Bob and Robert. While waiting for our
dinner (pizza) to arrive, we began discussing the exciting events taking place
in San
Francisco.
Apparently a
rogue, “activist” mayor, Gavin Newsome had begun issuing marriage licenses to
same-sex couples. He had attended
President Bush’s State of the Union address and heard him speak of a
constitutional amendment to limit marriage to that of man and woman only in
addition he heard how much money the federal government was going to commit to
promoting marriage and became very upset by this. He wondered why his marriage of two years was
given more rights and had more clout than a same-sex couple’s union of fifty
years. So, he consulted with attorneys
and the city clerk, Mabel Tang and they decided to begin issuing the licenses.
So, sitting in
Robert and Bob’s living room, we started flippantly discussing how cool it
would be to go down to SF and get married.
Wouldn’t it be so cool to be married on Valentine’s Day?!? After a little while of talking about it, we started
to realize that we were no longer joking and all agreed that we would do
it. So, pizza came and we ate while
still discussing logistics of getting down there from Seattle, WA. We decided
to go find out if we actually would be able to wed if we drove all the way down
there. So, we went to my place of work
to use its computers to research the issue.
Because things were changing so quickly, there was not a lot of
information on the web and by that time, 9 pm or so, all offices were closed. So we made some calls to GLBT hotlines and
did some web research and were pretty sure, though not positive, that if we
made it down there we would be able to wed.
We priced out different scenarios and decided that the most economical
one would be to rent a van and drive down.
It was decided that we would sleep and drive in shifts in order to make
the best time. So, we drove home to grab
our things and feed our kitties and picked up Bobert (as they became known) and
drove to the airport to pick up the rental van.
The van was
really nice and easily slept four adults.
Thanks goodness we didn’t try to make it down there in the Honda -- that
would *not* have been a fun trip! We
left at midnight
on Friday night and my partner of nine years, Maylene drove the first
shift. She got us all the way to Eugene, OR and then Robert took over. He got us to the bottom of OR, or about 3
hours more. Then, Bob took over and
drove for about an hour navigating the fog and sunrise. Next, the clean-up crew took over and I drove
for 4 more hours. Next, Maylene took
over driving into SF and it took forever to cross the toll bridge into the
city. We weren’t that impressed with the
way things looked, but we did get to see Alcatraz and the Golden Gate Bridge, if only from a distance.
Robert navigated
and we found parking near City Hall. We
walked down to the center and arrived at about 3:30 pm.
When we walked up to the line, there was a really nice sheriff standing
at the end of it turning people away from the line as they had stopped handing
out numbers for processing on Sunday at 3 pm.
The sheriff assured us that as long as we arrived on Saturday by 3 pm and were in line, we would be getting
married on Sunday. Shucks! We just missed it!
We had been
living off of snack foods and leftover pizza along with one stop for lunch, so,
we decided to grab some food and find a hotel to stay in. We ventured out of the city into the suburbs
of Concord to stay at a Best Western purportedly to
save money on the lodging, but later found out that there was a similarly
priced hotel right in the city we could have stayed at! Oh well.
We ate dinner at Fuddruckers and retired for the night with plans to
return to City Hall first thing in the morning.
We set out at
about 7:30 and
found parking close by. We got in line
and were in front of Serena and Bonnie.
We waited and waited and then found out that because of all of the
numbers they had handed out the day before, they would not be able to process
more than 80 new couples that day. So,
we started waiting in a line they called the “hopeful” line. Every once in a while spokespersons would
come out of the building and tell us that there was no way we would be getting
married that day, but we couldn’t give up hope.
So much was in flux and so much was changing we thought just in case
something else changed, we wanted to be there to take advantage of it. Mid-afternoon we went to get some food and
waited for 45 minutes to get sandwiches at Quizno’s.
About mid-day,
another line had formed on the other side of the very large building with
people waiting for Monday. So, our party
split up with some people remaining on both sides. Citizens of SF came by periodically with
candy and cookies for the people in line.
Everyone was very kind, even loaning Maylene and I their umbrella when it began to
rain. At about 4 pm, they came back out and allowed about 80
more people to enter the building. All day they had been talking about the possibility of people in
front of the lady with the yellow cap getting in to the building and that’s
exactly who they let in. We were
about 10 - 15 couples from the yellow cap, so when they said that, we rushed
the stairs and tried to sneak in. We
called Bobert from the other side of the building and told them to rush over,
so they lost their place in the line for tomorrow. The noise and chaos was maddening at this
moment with people pushing each other trying to get as close as possible to the
stairs. The sheriff walked into the
crowd and threatened that if you took a step further, he would arrest you. Maylene and I looked at each other and decided not to get
arrested. So, for a second day, we were
unsuccessful.
Devastated and in
tears, we ran over to rejoin the “next-day” line. We didn’t know what we wanted to do. Maylene really should not have missed a day of work and
Monday, President’s Day was not a holiday for temps at Microsoft. We had already failed twice at getting into
the building to get married and the prospect of sleeping out on the sidewalk in
front of City Hall to do so was unappealing at best.
Bobert came over
and talked to us saying that the decision was ours to make. They had decided that if they had not gotten
in by Sunday, they were not going to worry about trying again and instead would
be our support crew or back-up system. Maylene and I walked away and talked about it for
about 30 minutes. It was a
heart-wrenching decision and we knew that we would have to deal with the
consequences of our actions for the rest of our lives. We debated and debated and listened to the
conversations taking place around us.
People were steadfast in their resolve, excited about staying, and ready
to commit to the overnight stay. Maylene confided that she wouldn’t be able to
live with herself on the drive home if we didn’t give it one last try. We told Bobert we were staying and they set
out to find a hotel to stay in for the night.
We also made sure they understood that we were staying all night, but
when tomorrow came we wanted them to jump into line with us and get
married. We also told the people in line
around us that they would be coming back on Monday to join us. Next, we ran to Rite-Aid to get supplies like
umbrellas, food etc. and came back to meet our new friends.
In front of us, Will
and Robert were there to get married along with Bubba and James (Radiologist
and Automobile modifier) from Mobile, AL. They were so
cute and so excited to be there. Behind
them was Taylor and Laurie (Nurses). They drove up from Santa Cruz and offered to go to Costco to pick up
supplies for everyone. Behind us we met
Annie and Kim (Patient Educator/Nurse, and Barbie Designer), West Hollywooders
who drove up with some friends to get married.
Their friends decided to get a hotel room for the night and would be
joining them in the morning. Behind them
was Michael and Robert and JT and Josie (metal sculptor). Robert was an Episcopalian minister who had
lived in Hawaii while preaching and recalled fond
memories of his experiences there, so we discussed our time on the islands. JT used to live on the Big Island for 9 years and had a blast! A stand-out in the group was Dan. For a long time, I kept looking at Dan, not
seeing his partner with him and wondering what his story was. As the night progressed we found out that Dan
was a true humanitarian who was spending the night in line for his sister and
her partner.
We settled in for
the night and Taylor called for pizza. They delivered
to the corner of the sidewalk and everyone dove right in. The excitement was palpable! One of the nearby buildings left a door open
and allowed us to use their restrooms -- thank goodness! J
At about 6 pm, we were approached by a reporter asking
about someone from Alabama.
It turns out that they wanted the Bama Boys, as we began to call them,
to be interviewed on live CNN right after Larry King Live. We were all so happy for them and excited about
being on camera. Just as the show was
about to begin, Laurie came and grabbed me and told me she was concerned about
a woman in a hat near the cameras and some of the things she was
muttering. She felt we had real reason
to fear that the lady would sabotage the shot.
She wanted us to try and block the lady out and not allow her to take
over the interview. So, as the cameras
were rolling and Laurie was taping Bubba and James’ interview, the homeless
lady began speaking really loudly. She
was crazy, quite simply, and homophobic to boot, never a good thing especially
with CNN Live cameras rolling on such an important event. So, the Dyke Army came to the rescue with me,
Maylene, and Kim trying to edge her out of the
shot and not allow her to jump in on it.
Her voice kept rising and we were all very concerned that the audio
would pick that up. Luckily, as we
confirmed the next day, the audio was so acutely targeted, that no one on the
other side of the tube even knew she was there.
She kept siding over towards the cameras and Maylene just stepped in her way. Maylene was very close to her and physically prevented her
from moving any closer. It was a very
tense moment, but Maylene stood strong and prevented her from ruining OUR moment.
The only
protesters we saw was one crazy man and his girlfriend
on Sunday. They were harassed right back
by the crowd and told to leave. We all
stood up for each other and protected one another from his assault. Eventually the sheriffs came out of the
building and told him to leave the area, so we were really happy about
that. Then, on Monday, some
Bible-banger, literally, appeared and began to tell us how much Jesus could do
for all of us. It was quite pathetic
really, with so many supporters uniting against them.
The beginning of
the night was pleasant, cold, but nothing else.
Then it began to rain a little and we said, at least it’s not raining
harder, so at about midnight, it began to pour and then we said, well, at least
it’s not windy and just about an hour later, it began to blow really hard. We were initially huddled under two umbrellas
with our sleeping bags over our bodies. Our yard waste trash bags came in handy
as they helped us stay warm and partially dry.
I was going to walk over to the van and luckily I decided to wait just a
minute. Right in the road I would have
been walking across at that time, a car ran the red light and slammed into
another vehicle sending them both spinning toward the side of the road. That reminded me how much I hated that awful
sound of the cars colliding and how happy I was that I had decided to linger a
bit. So anyway, I went to take a nap in
the van which we had moved to be right across the street so that we could watch
over each other. I woke up in the van
when I heard the rain really start coming down.
I couldn’t stay
in the van while it was raining so hard outside where my honey was, so I got
out and walked back over to be with everyone.
When I came up, I saw that everyone was still huddled together trying to
keep dry and warm, but that JT had given us a tarp to protect ourselves from
the weather and that we had a makeshift tent in place with umbrellas holding
the tarp up and an intricate method of ensuring it didn’t blow away. Kim and Annie convinced Maylene and I to go take a nap in the van at
about 2 am for
two hours. Then, we came out and Kim and
Annie went in for 2 hours until 6 am. When they
got out, we took Dan in to get warm for a bit and learned that he was on his
way to Spain to teach English.
He had already traveled all over the world and was very involved in
humanitarian efforts.
All night long
though, I must say we were so, very loved.
People came by and gave us free umbrellas and ponchos. Others brought homemade cookies, flowers, and
treats for us. The Sisters of Perpetual
Indulgence dropped by before midnight to bring us a little shot of vodka and
cookies. We were so thankful for it as it helped us
stay warm. At about midnight, just when the weather was completely out
of control with wind whipping through the trees and trying to make our
umbrellas blow away, someone came by with whiskey which was so nice again for
staying warm, unfortunately, we could not hold it, the umbrella, and the
sleeping bag at the same time, so it got knocked over. L Oh
well, it was good while it lasted. Then
at about 2 am, two men cam by offering us hot cocoa with or
without Bailey’s -- yummm!
It never stopped
raining after midnight on Sunday. Never. It was pretty
awful, but we stuck it out because being able to marry meant so much to all of
us. The act of being married in a civil
ceremony was so important to us as couples, even
though we all knew that on Tuesday, it could all be taken away as there were
initiatives in place seeking to have our licenses revoked. Luckily, the judges turned them down, but
even so, the licenses were never approved by the state of California.
We knew the
building would be opening at 10, but at around 8 am, we noticed movement in the building with
officials and volunteers arriving for their 3rd 12 hour day in a row. That’s right, City
Hall was open on President’s Day just to accommodate all of us who so
desperately wanted to get married.
Everyone was so kind and selfless, giving their time and energy so
willingly. At about 8 am, the mayor’s GLBT representative came out
and told us that Mabel Tang and Gavin Newsome had seen us all on the news
overnight. That’s right,
all night long we would be under the tarp and would see flashes of light and
realize that it was probably press out there snapping pictures of us. It would have been nice to look out and see
who they were, but it was truly too rainy to move out from under the security
of the tarp. So because of our
dedication to the cause, the officials were going to try and open up City Hall
early to help “the faces of love” get married sooner.
We called Bobert
and told them to hurry over and meanwhile the line began to move up so Maylene took care of putting away all of our
stuff, except for one of our sleeping bags, which we had loaned to someone else
the night before and which ended up staying with them. I hurried to get in line and then more
waiting began, but we were so excited!
Robert showed up and said he would try to find Bob so they could get
married as well. Unfortunately, they
never made it back in line with us and therefore, did not get married.
We were drenched,
but our spirits were high. You could
ring Maylene’s sleeves out and water would pour onto
the sidewalk. We were huddled under
umbrellas with our new friends and so many people cam by with coffee and
doughnuts for us. There were actually SO
MANY people coming by that we couldn’t accept all of their offers. They said the line would be open in 5
minutes. So we waited and waited and it
was the longest 5 minutes of our lives.
It was probably closer to 20 minutes, and then the line began to
move. Cheers erupted from the crowd, we
were so stoked to be there and to be involved in making history.
Anticipation grew
and grew, as did the line which now wrapped around three corners of the building. When we reached the steps we were so
happy. There were news cameras all over
the place and Laurie and Taylor were interviewed right in front of us! We searched for Bobert and didn’t see them,
so we had to go in or miss our one chance in a lifetime.
Entering the
building was such an amazing feeling after all of that hardship and all of the
dedication and time we put in to being there, actually being inside that
building was simply amazing and breath-taking.
We were immediately ushered through the security machines where I saw
the man I loved and hated, the Sheriff.
We were led by volunteers, gay and straight, through the building and
into another queue and arrived there at about 9 am.
We waited in line and had our applications checked by several volunteers. Someone there was even passing out
coffee! It was great. Before us was the city clerk’s office where
we could get our licenses and we saw a photo enlarged of civil rights taking
place at city hall 30 years ago. The
picture was so symbolic I think all of us felt the weight of our actions and we
heard many say that this was “our march to Selma”.
We took lots of photos of our friends and tried to dry off. As it was, I couldn’t even take my hair down
because it was so matted together from the moisture! We turned a corner and began the journey to
the city clerk’s office. Couples would
emerge from the office beaming with their license and a little bewildered, not
really knowing what was going on. The
people in line cheered for each couple.
Some came with children or relatives, one lady was probably 8 months
pregnant, there were old couples who had been together
for half a century and young couples proud to be a part of the experience.
We were number
70. Right behind Bubba
and James. When our number was
called in the clerk’s office, we literally ran for the counter. We were so psychologically strung out by this
point with very little sleep and felt like if we did any little thing wrong, we
could lose it all, so we ran to the counter, also with the purpose of hurrying
so other people could get married too.
The clerk told us to stop, to breathe, and to relax, that we were going
to get married today. We breathed a sigh
of relief and gave him our documentation.
We were processed and waited for our names to be called. During this controlled hysteria in the
office, we looked around and saw so many happy people, so anxious to get
married, so happy to be there. Unfortunately,
during this time we lost touch with our friends and saw them sporadically as
the day progressed.
Then, it was our
turn, that’s right, our turn to walk down the hall of fame. People were cheering for us, beaming, and so
very excited. We had to walk quickly to
keep up with the punk-chick leading us to the rotunda. So Maylene walked ahead with her and I kind of hung a bit back
trying to take it all in. I missed
walking with Maylene, but in the end, it was ok because
someone had to keep up with her! J
We got to the
rotunda and were freaking out because we had lost our witnesses, Annie and
Kim. In the mad rush, we were split
apart, so Maylene called out, “We need a witness” and
luckily they were so prepared that they had volunteers standing there with the
sole intention of being the witness to your marriage. Our witness was named Christmas. I was so excited to hear that. It felt so appropriate because being able to
be there and get married was such a gift to us.
We never felt this moment would come in our lifetime, much less in 2004.
Another volunteer
led us over to meet Michael Farrah, the man who married us and the Senior
Advisor to Mayor Gavin Newsome. He was
so kind, he said more than once how honored he was to be able to marry us and
how privileged he felt to be a part of something so amazing. He told us to breathe. He asked us if the bottom of the stairs would
be okay with us or if we’d rather move somewhere else in the rotunda, maybe a
place more scenic. We decided against it
mainly because we were not in the best condition to get married. Our shoes, socks, jeans, and shirts were
soaked through. Our hair was matted and
we were carrying our belongings with us into the ceremony. We were also very concerned that other
couples could get married that day, so we said, “Nah, here’s just fine.” We’re just so happy to be there, living in
that moment, being a part of history.
We put down our
bags and began to listen to Michael. He
pulled a random person out of the rotunda to take pictures of our
ceremony. The cameraman was great and
took tons of pictures for which we are eternally grateful.
Michael began the
ceremony and as he spoke, a professional cameraman from one of the TV stations
was filming our ceremony. We’re still
not sure where he was from, but we’re probably on someone’s newsreel. As Michael spoke, tears began streaming down
our face. It’s hard to explain why and
to pinpoint all of the feelings. All I
know is, we turned to face one another and held hands. We gave Christmas our rings and then Michael
asked me to pick up Maylene’s ring and place it on her finger.
I was so nervous and the lights were so low, I had a hard time picking
out which ring was the right one!
Luckily, I grabbed the right one and placed on her beautiful
finger. We can’t really remember much of
what was said during this time, but the next thing I knew, she was putting my
ring on my finger. Maylene was crying too, the feelings were rushing
over us uncontrollably. Then Michael
pronounced us “Spouses for Life”. It was
the best phrase in the world! We kissed
delicately and then hugged fiercely holding onto one another for dear life!
We sobbed onto
each others shoulders and then profusely thanked Michael and Christmas for
helping to make it happen.
We were then led
into the recording room which was just a cacophony of noise and bright happy
cheerful people, just as overwhelmed as we felt. We paid for our license and then waited for
the print-out. While waiting, we
listened to Mabel Tang talk about how important it was and how proud she felt
to be doing it. It felt like we were
making history! While waiting, we were
approached by a newspaper writer because we were from out of state. She talked to us about our experiences and
took two pages of notes. So, we made the
paper -- the San Francisco Chronicle and the article was picked up by the
Seattle Times as well. The quote read,
““It doesn’t matter what the courts do - I was married for a day in San Francisco,” said Maylene Kuahiwinui, 25, who hugged her partner of
nine years, Charity, also 25, before pointing their van back toward Seattle yesterday.” So, we were misquoted, but so happy to be
interviewed anyway. Then, they called
our name and we picked up our license.
We were so excited and happy and relieved and ecstatic, so many
different feelings and emotions were involved and the generosity of the
volunteers was both overwhelming and heartwarming.
We held hands
raising them victoriously as we stepped out of City Hall. We were greeted by throngs of cheering
supporters throwing rice and flowers at us.
A small child even walked up to us and gave us an origami heart. We were so overwhelmed we couldn’t stop to
take everything in, it was truly amazing.
We then took our
“victory” lap around the building talking to couples in line letting them know
that everyone was working so hard inside and to be patient. We felt so happy for them and for
ourselves. Then, we met our friends,
jumped in the van and headed back up north.
The ride back is a bit of a blur.
Robert drove out of California and Maylene took over and drove through most of Oregon and into SeaTac.
And really, that
is our wedding story…..The end to an amazing adventure of love….
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