KarMel Scholarship 2005
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Best From Family of Gay Person “Why I Love My 4 Parents” By
Courtney McDonald - SC |
Desciption of Submission: “An account about my parent’s divorce and
my mom’s homosexuality” - Courtney
Why Karen and Melody Liked
It: We liked hearing the
experience of finding out that one’s parents was gay. It was interesting to hear about how one
acceptance is during different period’s in one’s life.
I remember the
day in September of 1993 that my mom turned my world upside down. I would have
seen the signs and seen the bomb coming that she was about to drop, except I
had just turned five.
A
year before I had lived with my mom in an apartment separate from the home
where my father and sister resided. A year later my mom moved back in. Then, my
parents put our home up for sale. After buying a new home I went apartment
hunting with my mother. I remember questioning what she was doing because we
already had a house and she dismissed me. In September, the week of the
eleventh my parents delivered heartbreaking news to my sister and myself. I
remember it was the week of my birthday (my birthday is the eleventh). I was
wearing a new pair of shoes that were a birthday present. I sat in my mom’s
lap, my sister in my dad’s lap, and my parents explained to us they were
getting a divorce. I remember only focusing on the bug crawling on my brand new
pair of shoes. I can honestly say the divorce wasn’t a heartbreaker. I was
completely unaware of the change that was about to take place and didn’t seem
to care. A few weeks after the “divorce
talk” my sister and I rode with my mom to take my grandma to the grocery store.
As we sat in the Bi-Lo parking lot in my mom’s blue nova she announced she had
to tell us something. My mother then attempted to explain the concept of
homosexuality to a seven year old and a five year old. It was a special kind of anger I felt. The
anger of ignorance is the worst anger.
For
the next ten years my mother would be the biggest skeleton in my closet.
Of
course my mother couldn’t be just “gay.” She had to act on her feelings. Soon
she brought a woman over for dinner. Several months later we moved in with this
woman, and that has been my life for the past twelve and a half years. Growing up I had all sorts of mixed feelings
towards my mom and Lil (her partner). I felt anger and resentment towards Lil.
I felt like my mom was a liar. I could not understand why she would get married
and have kids and create the life I was stuck in if she was gay. My mother’s answer to me was always that she
couldn’t live a lie, and that she was only being fair to my father. She was
right, my father deserved to be with someone who wanted to be with him. I
became angry with my
mother for simply ever seeing my dad and creating me. I could accept the homosexuality, but I
couldn’t accept what it entailed. My friends couldn’t come over; no one could
know why my parents weren’t together. No one at school could find out because
homosexuality isn’t a subject everyone is warm to. Unfortunately because of my mother’s sexual
identity I was looked down upon. I began to understand what living a lie was
like.
My
pent up anger and sadness began to affect me and my family as well when I
ten. My mother had experienced problems
with me before. Once she moved in with Lil I began to act out, stop eating and
innecessantly crying. I was six and unaware of the reasoning behind the
behaviors. When I was ten my parents took me to a therapist
for various reasons. I hated it, convinced my parents I was okay, and
that was the end. But when I was twelve my sister entered high school. She gained a new confidence and decided there
was no reason that she should lie to her friends about her mother. Older people
began coming over to my home that knew of my mom and Lil and didn’t care. I was so jealous of the freedom my sister
seemed to experience through telling her friends. My friends were close minded
and snotty. I could never tell them. Seeing my sister did give me the confidence
to take some steps towards acceptance of the life I lived with my mother. I began speaking from my heart. I was tired
of pretending to hate gays and being narrow-minded. Soon I was the girl who
would reprimand anyone who made a derogatory term torwards homosexuals. Soon I
had gay friends of my own.
As
I entered high school I realized I didn’t have it together like I thought. I still never told anyone my mother was gay.
The words “my mom is gay” had never exited my lips. For some strange reason I
was fine with homosexuals. The whole world could be gay, just not my mom. It was time for me to release the skeleton
from my closet that didn’t belong to me. I couldn’t avoid my reality. I needed
to embrace it. So I told those close to me about my mother. I told them she was
gay and had a partner and that in addition to my dad and stepmom, they too were
my parents. My life suddenly felt free. I had nothing to be afraid of. I had
lifted a one hundred and thirty-five pound weight off my shoulders.
Since
those liberating days I’ve begun to appreciate what having a gay mother has
brought to me. I have a street education so many don’t experience. I’ve been
exposed to a different lifestyle that I can embrace despite its difference to
my own. I’ve been raised by three women and one man. I’ve learned that being
gay is nothing. I love my mother for every reason other than her sexuality. I
love my father for every reason other than his sexuality. If the reason we love
people has nothing to do with their sexual preference, than we shouldn’t hate
people for their sexual preference.
Within
the last year the issue of gay marriage has risen and I’m able to understand it
from all aspects of the issue and I’m a heterosexual seventeen year old girl!
Love is love. Marriage is a right just like voting. If two people have a love
intense enough that they want to tie it through the bonds of marriage I support
it fully! Being able to witness the love between a man and a
woman (my father and his wife) and a woman and a woman while growing up
educated me beyond belief. I can see no difference between either set of
my parents. My dad and stepmother are no different or worse than my mom and
Lil. I’ve reached a great place without
anger towards my mother or Lil. I love them both and appreciate the diversity
they’ve brought me. I have four parents and I don’t care if the whole world
knows. I’m a better person for having a mother who is a lesbian.
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