KarMel Scholarship 2005
|
“Chasing Rainbows” By
Gina Briseno |
Desciption of Submission: “Complete story of my lesbian
relationship.” - Gina
Eight years ago, on a rainy night, I was sitting across
the room from a man that I dispized. The biggest joy of the day was about to
come once the house was quiet and all the children were fast asleep. Most
people jump to the thought of, kids asleep, time to
have adult fun… But that was as far from the truth as the sun is to my
backyard.
Finally, my phone rang. I jumped up, grabbed the
phone and ran to the balcony of our apartment. “Hello?”,
I said. “Hi there sweets”, the other person on the phone said in a very soft
voice. The conversations were never monitored by my husband, because the person
on the phone was one of his bosses and he never questioned the time I spent on
the phone with her. I guess, he figured we were
talking about work, case loads, and girly stuff.
These phone conversations went on for weeks, until
one night I finally got up the guts to say 5 simple words. “Do you have a
twin?” At that point, we both realized that our current relationships were
tired, old and over. We both realized that it was not just the phone calls we
enjoyed so much, it was the thought of consuming each
other on the phone 12 to 16 hours per day.
As time went by, she left her partner, and I left my
husband in October of 1997. She met my children and it all just “fit” into
place. My children (ages 3 and 2) and I moved in with my mom and dad.
Eventually our realtionship grew to the point that she was basically living at
my mom and dads home too. Finally in January we moved into our own home.
Now let me back up, just one sec and go over the
“coming out” phase. It was actually pretty short and simple. It went a little
like this.
“Mom… don’t freak, but I am
dating a lesbian.”
Then mom said, “about time
you figured it out.”
THEN
“Dad…” (he interrupts…. “Yeah I know, you’re a dyke”.
End of story. From that day to this day, she was excepted into the family as a daughter and loved as one too.
As time went on, we moved from house to house to
house. We worked together 24 hours per day doing bail bonds and we were your
typical happy american couple with 2 growing kids.
Then in 2001, things went a step further. We decided
to have a commitment ceremony. My mom
and dad insisted on hosting a reception for us at their home as if it was a
real and true wedding. We had over 200 guests, mostly straight people, but a
few of her closest gay friends were there too. The only person missing in the
beginning was HER mom. But behold before the party really started, she showed
and that was the first time she was able to be relieved that her mother
accepted her being gay. (Make note, at this time she was 38 years old her
mother took a long time to acknowledge the obvious.)
After our reception, we took a flight to
Shortly after our private commitment ceremony, we
received a phone call that my father was very ill and headed in for open heart
surgery. So the rest of our blissful vacation was cut short and we really just
wanted to get home to the family and children.
My father survived a quadruple bypass surgery, but
not long after that was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer.
Sadly enough, my over obsession of wanting to take
control of my life while my father was sick was horrible. She dealt with mood
swings, out bursts, and fights over really stupid things.
I started attending my mothers
church and was sucked into the “your lifestyle will send you to hell” bit. I
was being pressured by my family to get baptized and have the children baptized
before my father passed away. But my one thing was, I refused to get baptized
as a lesbian, in a church that continually riticuled my lifestyle.
At that point in time, my only option was to break
off the “lifestyle” and commit myself to God. And I did.
She went her separate way, fell
in and out of love a couple times. Then found herself
in a great loving and healthy relationship that she is still involved in today.
Me on the other hand, couldn’t be alone. I went back to
what I knew was “right” and married a man in September 2002. Shortly after our
marriage, my father passed away and I conceived my 3rd child.
The relationship between my exlover and I was on the
rocks for some time, but once my father passed, we were able to settle our
differences and move on as friends.
Today, we are the best of friends. We bowl together
every Tuesday on a league. We talk atleast once a day. We see each other once
or twice a week, the children still call her to spend the weekends with her.
And she has the love and respect of my new husband and new daughter.
Since our seperation (2002) my children and my mom
attend Christmas Eve at her mothers home. And this
year, they even invited the newest addition to the family, my new baby.
I am glad to say, that our relationship now is the
way it was in the beginning. It’s the phone calls to brighten your day, it’s the emails to just say ‘hi’. It’s the friendship
that caused me to fall in love with her. It’s the respect that I have for her
as a person, not just as a lesbian. I never saw her as a “lesbian” nor did I
see myself as one. We were just a family. The kids had two mom’s.
What was so wrong with that?
Needless to say, my husband and myself
no longer attend that church. We recently told the Pastor where to stick his “bylaws”.
We are in search of a new home church and found out that some other lesbians we
know attend one not too far from our home. So, that’s where we are going to go.
The “gay gene” is still in my body, but my heart is
with my husband. I will never deny the love, passion and desire that I felt
when I was with her, but my heart, love, desire and passion is now fulfilled by
him.
Chasing Rainbows in life is the title of my essay,
because I will forever be chasing that rainbow of pride for the experiences and
respect that I have and will always carry as a bisexual person.
|
|