KarMel Scholarship 2005
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“Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Youth Struggles of Coming Out” By
Danielle Bowerbank |
Desciption of Submission: “Paper about the struggles in society for
our gay youth.” - Danielle
This paper will be on the struggles and theories of
the coming out process for the gays, lesbians, and bisexuals (GLB). I will mostly
be focusing on the youth and their struggles in the coming out process. For
during the adolescence stage is when most GLB discover their sexual
orientation.
What are gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth? These are the sexual orientation of people
under the age of 25. Gay is a male homosexual. Lesbian is a female homosexual.
A homosexual is a person was has sexual interest in the same sex as oneself, or
involving in sexual intercourse between members of the same sex. Bisexual is a
person who possesses characters of or having sexual desire for both sexes.
Homosexuality is a normal part of human behavior. It is cross-cultural, meaning
that it appears with about the same frequency in all cultures.
Adolescence can be an exciting though conflicting
stage of a person’s life. Though not quite an easy period for
most young people, social and educational resources are widely available for heterosexual
adolescents to support the formation of their sexual identity. Though
socialization their feelings are accepted and shared, by peers, by adult role
models, by school, and by the media.
However, for the young people experiencing same-sex attractions these
feelings can be confusing and embarrassing. They do not have the same support
and resources. With peer pressure to conform to a heterosexual standard, and
lack of support systems in many cases the young people turn inward. Ignoring or
hiding there true self. Research indicates that
homosexual adolescents who have a close relationship with their parents and
families tend to come out at a younger age and to experience more positive
identities than do those who have a poor relationship.
Researchers have developed theoretical models
charting the coming out process. These models have been suggested as
explanatory frameworks for a variety of human processes. For example, Lawrence
Kohlberg describes stages of moral development, and Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
charts five stages in the process of coming to terms with death. This framework provides a means by which one
can understand the process an individual is experiencing and also to predict
what form future stages might take. To be aware of these stages enables the
individual to gauge her or his relation to other individuals who are having or
have had similar experiences.
I also feel it is important to note that males and females tend to
differ slightly at points within the process. It must also be known that the coming
out models presented is merely general patterns and each individual comes out
in different ways under unique circumstances.
Studies suggest that the coming out journey begins with an early
awareness of feeling “different” but takes many years. Some move more quickly
than others and some might get stuck causing them to never progress to the
final stage. There are many complex
reasons why individuals move from stage to stage, going back and forth, or
failing to move. Theorists have
stressed, however, that societal attitudes are important in affecting the
development of a person’s positive identity.
Gilbert Herdt has discovered seven variables in the coming out process:
1.
Adolescents
who behave in “gender unconventional” ways, and who have had same-sex sexual
experiences, tend to travel through the developmental stages—especially the
earlier stages – quicker because they seem to have less sexual identity
confusion and less chance of hiding.
Adolescents who more closely conform to gender role expectations and
have had heterosexual sexual experiences seem, at least initially, to have
greater sexual confusion.
2.
Family
support will make for smoother passage through stages, while lack of support
will delay this passage.
3.
Adolescents
from working class families with high-defined gender roles and expectations are
more likely to engage in gender unconventional behaviors.
4.
Families
with strong “ethnic” backgrounds tend to reject GLB adolescents less, to
preserve the family unit. This “acceptance”, however, often comes from
assumption that the child may be “damaged but our own,” which can hurt the
child’s self esteem.
5.
Coming
out can be likened to the anthropological model of an “adolescent rite of
passage.” This rite has been made possible by a greater visibility and shared
sense lesbian/gay/bisexual/transgender communities, supporting and making the
way easier for young people.
6.
The
coming out process is particularly difficult for ethnic, racial, and religious
minority youth, since sometimes they feel they must abandon a central identity
in taking on a new one. The loss must be acknowledged as a ritual death, before
a new relationship to minority status can be assumed along with a sexual
identity.
7.
The
problems sometimes faced in the coming out process, e.g. depression, substance
abuse, suicide, etc., are related to stigma and rejection more than to
confusion over desires or inability to form intimate relationships.
According to Zera (1992), Cass (1979) was the first to articulate a
model of homosexual identity (perceptions of self as heterosexual, homosexual,
bisexual, even asexual). Cass proposed that individuals go through six non-age-specific
stages:
1.
identity
awareness —the individual is conscious of being different
2.
identity
comparison —the individual believes that he or she may be homosexual, but tries
to act heterosexual
3.
identity
tolerance —the individual realizes that he or she is homosexual
4.
identity
acceptance—the individual begins to explore the gay community
5.
identity
pride —the individual becomes active in the gay community
6.
synthesis
—the individual fully accepts himself or herself and others
Richard R. Troiden (1989) offers a four-stage model. Troiden states that
only small portions of all people who have had “homosexual experiences”
actually develop lesbian or gay identities. Unlike Cass, Troiden’s stages are
age-specific.
1.
Sensitization
—beginning before puberty, the individual has homosexual feelings or
experiences without understanding the implications for self-identity.
2.
Identity
confusion –occurs during early adolescence, the individual realizes that he or
she may be homosexual.
3.
Identity
assumption—occurs during later adolescence, the individual begins to come out
as a homosexual. Occurring first in the homosexual community, with attempts at
coming out in the heterosexual community.
4.
Commitment
–a self-acceptance and adopting a homosexual lifestyle. This has both “internal”
and “external” dimensions
Internal: fusion of sexuality and
emotionality into a significant whole; perception of the identity as a valid
self-identity; expressed satisfaction and happiness after self-defining as
lesbian or gay.
External: enter same-sex love
relationships; disclose identity to non-gays; shift stigma-management
strategies.
Eli Coleman (1982) described five stages
of the coming out process.
1-
they
must develop interpersonal skills for meeting those of similar sexuality
2-
they
need to develop a sense of personal
attractiveness
3-
They
must learn that sexual activity does not in and of itself establish healthy
self-esteem.
Over the past fifty years, research has revealed that parenting styles
have a strong impact on a child and adolescent development (Parish &
McCluskey, 1992). Recently, researchers
have begun to broaden their investigation of familial influences on homosexual
youth. Savin-Williams (1989) found that lesbians feel most comfortable with
their sexual orientation when both parents accept their homosexuality. However,
the mother’s acceptance was found to be more important as compared with the
father’s acceptance.
The reactions of parents to the disclosure of homosexuality are often
unpredictable, making the decision to come out difficult (Cramer & Roach,
1988; Savin-Williams, 1989). Many
homosexual youth fear rejection by their parents and other relatives.
Newman and Muzzonigro (1993) found that gay adolescent males in families
with more traditional values are less likely to come out to their parents than
those in families with less traditional values.
Traditional family values are defined by having criteria: importance of
religion, emphasis on marriage, emphasis on having children, and whether a
non-English language was spoken in the home.
At younger ages than ever before young people are “coming out” of a
closet of denial and fear. Due largely to the support systems developed for and
by them over recent years. There are Internet sites, books, television shows,
and educational programs in schools addressing the issues of gays, lesbians and
bisexuals.
In 2000 Outproud did a survey on GLB and the coming out. Its results
showed that the typical individual was 12.4 years old when they realized that
they were queer. On average it took them until they were 15.6 years old to
accept this and they didn’t tell anyone until they were 16.1 years old. Their best friend was typically who they told
first (42%), friends at school (21%) or friends outside of school or work
(10%). Only 7% of the respondents told
their parents first.
This survey also showed that in just three years the school has become
more welcoming and safer for GLB students.
13% of HS students say
that their schools discuss homosexuality in a positive manner, compared to only
6% in 1997.
It is my conclusion that the understanding of the coming out process can
greatly assist not only individual coming out but their parents and peers as
well in accepting it. Even though society has a long way to go before
homosexual and bisexual acts will be seen as normal in everyday life, we are
trying and learning to accept. In my
research studies on the Internet I came across dozens of sites. Offering chat rooms, questions & answer, and parental guidance
for not only the youths, but gays, lesbians, and bisexuals of any age. Considering, how long it has been since the
end of segregation for blacks and other minorities, and how today there is
still a large issue of racism, I do not expect to see greater results in the
near future. However, we will see results and wider acceptance.
REFERENCES:
“My Child is Gay” (2000)
By Scott Bidstrup
By Warren J. Blumenfeld
2000 Survey Results
By Outproud
Identity Development of Homosexual Youth and Parental
and Familial Influences on the Coming Out Process.
Cass, V.C. (1979). Homosexual
Identity Formation: A Theoretical model.
Journal of homosexuality.
Coleman, E. (1982). Developmental
Stages of the coming out process.
Journal of homosexuality
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