KarMel Scholarship 2004

“I am Every Woman”

By Anonymous

Description of Submission: “This is a personal story, honest, up front, like peeking in a window at my life..” – Anonymous

I have a habit, one that others also have but rarely talk about.  I am a people watcher.  I love to go into crowds and watch how people react to me, and how people react to other people when they think no one is watching.  I am always curious about the people around me, and how did my life compare to theirs.  I was seeking some sense of community, and more often then not, shocking those who get to know me that I am just like every other woman.

I am a short woman.  My hair is usually cut to something alternate of what is in style.  My clothes range from torn jeans and gothic looking, to being a mom, to teaching Sunday school for third graders.  I look younger then my 29 years, so many do not guess my age till I talk for a while.  And when I notice someone trying to figure me out by staring, I often smile and wave.  I like to watch their faces when they realize that I am human, and have emotions just like they do.

What is it about me that attracts attention?  One thing, some try to choose my gender by my clothing.  If you don’t know me I can fool you.  I am a very butch looking woman one moment, and young lady, mother of 3 the next.  It all depends on my mood.  Many people notice that I am being called Mom by a teenager who is a few inches taller then me, with bright green hair.  Then if you ask, I will tell you.  I am the mother of 4.   I have honestly seen people doing the math on their fingers.  I have an adopted daughter who is 19, she has been with us for a month.  I had my first daughter when I was 14.  That daughter now has green hair, is taller then me and is 14 today.  I have a 10 year old daughter, born when I was 19, and I was married to her father when she was 3 months old.  Three years later I had her brother, who is now 7 years old. I was separated by the time my son was 18 months old.   I am a loving mother, but firm.  Many are amazed a young mother can be a good mother as well. 

I am bisexual.  I live my life now with my lover of 6 years.  My love is 8 years older then I am, about a foot taller then I am, and is my personality opposite.  She is calm, where as I am chaos. She is thoughtful and shy, a woman who grabs your eye, and I am proud of her.  When we are in public I am as affectionate with her as I am when I am in private.  I express my love freely.  Many are shocked when they see me peck kiss her on the lips, or call her Baby, my nickname for her.  Our family is a large one, and we are all very close.  We go many places together, and I think we are almost a walking poster for Alternative Families.  We believe that your family is who you choose to have in your life. 

I graduated high school, while working full time, being a full time mom, and trying to date.  A Mom at 14, it is what I have always been referred to in high school.  I raised my daughter on my own in a small town.  I did not name her father, but rumors were abound.  When I told everyone who her father was, shock, horror, how could it be a “good Christian boy?”.  I suffered a lot of ridicule, surely I was wrong, lying to have a higher status in their social status.   I smiled proudly as I held in my hands a DNA test that came back 99.97% positive it was the “good Christian boy” I had named.  I left high school pregnant by my high school sweet heart, not the father of my first daughter.  I married him 3 months later.  3 years later we had a son, and neither of us were happy.  It was like a long term roommates.  We had different values, different beliefs, and I found myself alone.  23 years old, a mom to three, and living in NYC.  That is what my lover first learned of me when we met on line.  Months later we meet, she flies to me from Dallas, Texas.  I am so in love, words can not describe.  She returned home, and a month later my life was so different, and I needed somewhere to go outside of NYC.  She offered me and my daughter a home.   She helps me get my younger daughter and son by Christmas morning as a surprise.  She alters her life so much to fit me in.  Our family at that time was myself, my love, and my three kids.  My ex husband was involved in our daily lives.

My love gives me a whole new life.  I am able to stay at home and raise our 3 kids due to her having a well paying job.  We were a happy family, we were out gay parents with wonderful children.   I took a wonderful 2 years to home school my oldest daughter.  I had scholarships offered to me when I graduated high school.  But being that I was pregnant, and was with someone who did not support my dream of become a teacher, I did not go to college.  I had just began planning to go back to school when I had an accident.  A teenager hit me as I stepped out of my van, and it threw me about 20 feet in the air, and I landed on my head.  I suffered a subdural hemotoma.  I had short term memory loss, seizures, migranes, I had lost the ablity to read or drive.  My life had once again undergone a drastic change.  My love was there for me every step of the way, and I was so thankful that we were blessed with the great company she worked with.  Just as I began to show improvements in my brain injury my love lost her job.  Her company she had been with for 11 years was having to downsize.   I encouraged her to rethink her desires of where she would like to make a carrer at next.  This lead us from Arlington, Texas to Burlington, VT.  My love was accepted at New England Culinary Institue.  One of the greatest cooking schools in the United States. Now going from a paying job to full time schooling.  Our finances now consist of child support, and her unemployment.  I want to go back to work, but with only a high school degree, and not working in six years it is difficult for me to find a job.  Currently I am a volunteer at my Church and teach Religious Education to  third grade students.  It is at my Church that I met my now adopted 19 year old daughter.  She is a young woman who is a lesbian, and without a home, and looking for acceptance and guidance.  My love and I have taken her in, and it has been wonderful.  She is graduating from high school soon. 

With my life having changed so much again, I have now got the chance to go to school.  I am wanting to attend classes on line due to my health.  If I can get education then I can get a job that is above minimum wage for the first time in my life.  I am active in my gay community, and volunteer for different programs to get to know people.  This gives me education and something that I can put on a resume.  Right now it is difficult for me to work due to having a sezuire recently.

I plan to go to school on line, learning some business classes.  This is going to be helpful because when my love graduates from cooking school we would like to open a catering business and a diner with a Bed and Breakfast.  We want to stay here in Vermont, and offer jobs to those here in our community.  We would like to do this so that it is a place that the whole family can work at together, and call our own.    Our business is going to be one that is very open and accepting to familes and people of all kinds.  A place where people will feel at home.

So I logged on today and I saw that there was this scholarship available, and I just began to type.  I thought I would tell you who I am and why I am every woman.  I am a woman with a dream, just needing a little help along the way.  I have not gone back to correct anything, I just typed from my heart. 

This gives you a deeper look then the one that the people in my new neighborhood get when I, or my family, catch their attention.  Being that we have only been here for 2 months, their fascination with us has not yet worn off.  It feels like a bug under a microscope.  And I just love that it shocks them to know that I can relate to their lives on so many levels. My life motto is defiantly  don’t make any assumptions, life can amaze you.

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