KarMel Scholarship 2004
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“Struggling” By
Tanya Matthews, CT Description of
Submission: “This is a poem about what I'm struggling
with accepting my sexuality. I think a
lot of women that are deciding to come out later in life, after marriage,
children and divorce may feel like this.” – Tanya |
Every
day, life is a struggle.
A constant battle.
What has
been taught, what is felt
.
36 years
heterosexual on the outside
36 years homosexual on the inside.
Struggling to find the true person.
Struggling
to understand how bisexuality is considered
yet only a woman’s kiss
has been obtained.
Struggling to understand your own sexuality.
Struggling
to let go of the man that is loved
because a woman’s touch
is desired more.
Struggling
to hold back defensive responses
against anti gay
statements.
Struggling
to keep the secret fearing the reaction
of family and friends.
Seeking
comfort from online friends,
receiving the
acceptance longed for.
Struggling
to change the opinion of the children
to make them more accepting
of the rainbow family
so the news that mommy likes
women won’t be so
hard.
How do
you tell the children you love women
when you are
a woman?
How do
you make them understand?
Struggling
to shake off the taboo of what society
says is wrong
but feels so right to the soul.
Constantly
being told man and woman is God’s way.
I thought
love was God’s way.
Struggling to understand the ignorance of others.
Why is
the struggle so hard?
Why does
it have to be a struggle?
Struggling to find the space to truly be free.
Struggling.................Struggling....................Struggling.
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