KarMel Scholarship 2004

 

 “Freedom to Love”

By Rocky Khamken, GA

 

Desciption of Submission: A personal opinion essay about my views against the FMA and the general stigma against the gay culture.” – Rocky

 

 

Carolyn Musgrave first introduced the Federal Marriage Amendment (FMA) to the government on May 21, 2003. The amendment looks to define marriage as a union between one man and one woman. This is to prevent same-sex couples from marrying. This action took place in response to the over-turn of sodomy in all states, by the Supreme Court. In Lawrence vs. Texas, one man was convicted of having sex with another man in his private home. The case went to the Supreme Court, where they ruled in favor of Lawrence, 6-3. In turn, they also struck down sodomy in all states, making any form of private sex, legal. This event proved to go down in history as one step closer to equality for gay people, whereas the FMA proves to be an obstacle in that direction.

 

            The words “one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all” rolled off all of our lips at one time or another in our lives. But what exactly does that mean for us? Liberty and justice are such broad terms nowadays, that it is almost impossible to define it. Liberty is being a person you want to be. But what kind of person are you? Are you the kind of person who would like to buy alcohol at 2am on a Sunday morning? Are you the kind of person who would like to go out and get a tan, lying naked in your yard? Are you a girl and would like to live with your sorority sisters in one house? Or are you the kind of person who falls in love with the same sex and wants to get married and adopt kids? There are many things that we, the public, are not able to do (at least, in certain states). For example, in Dyersburg, TN, a woman may not call a man and ask him out on a date. In Ironton, Ohio, cross-dressing is illegal. Believe it or not, there are many state laws out there that prohibit such small, disputable “misdemeanors,” and yet the government wants to focus on the FMA? What liberty is there with all these miniscule constraints around us? But with all these small state laws aside, gay marriage right now seems to be a great topic in discussing about liberty.

 

            The Bush administration stood for individual freedom, and claimed that the Democrats take your money and decide for you. But shortly after that speech, did he come out with the FMA. Supporters of the FMA claim that marriage should only be between a man and a woman only because it’s “natural.” But is owning a gun “natural”? Then there are many studies out there that show that homosexuality is more natural than people think. Others claim that even with the ban on gay marriage, states can still move to give gay couples benefits, thru civil unions. But the states can already do, for example, Vermont. So if the states can already do that, what is the amendment for? To just stir up controversy? There is no point in that amendment then.

 

But, there are others who also say that marriage is a religious institution. Well, if marriage does have its roots in the church, why didn’t it stay in the church? Why don’t the churches deal with the term “marriage” and not the government? If this is the case, the government should have no play with the term marriage, and should look to just providing benefits instead. This government was not found on one religion, and it especially was not Christianity. The first three presidents were deists. Not one of them had any Protestant values that dominated their way of running the country. 

 

            But benefits remains to be a large factor in all of this. One of the main reasons that allowing for gays to be federally recognized as “married” is that once they do, they gain the same 1000+ laws that apply to existing federally recognized couples. States, too, have their own laws for couples. Such laws provide an immense amount of security and support for the family. Such laws that gay couples are looking to have are laws that allow a same-sex person become a parent for your child, allow a same-sex partner to see his/her partner in the hospital, allow you to get tax breaks, etc. A main reason I would like to look at is estate acquisition. I cannot tell you the amount of stories I’ve heard about peoples whose partners passed away, and instead of gaining their partner’s estate and money, the family of the deceased acquires it. Thus, the existing partner gets the burden of paying off all the debt of the deceased, and does not have the financial help of the estate to help pay it off. All the money that they thought was theirs was not. But the money that is left owed to third parties, remain as debt to them. Marriage laws would have helped them acquire the money that was rightfully theirs to help pay off the debt.

 

            Some people support the FMA not because of any of the above reasons, but mainly because of the sexuality of it all. Some people are just plainly disgusted by the term “gay” or “homosexual.” Most believe that being gay is not a natural lifestyle. A new study came out about homosexuality between penguins. The study showed that homosexuality exists in the animal kingdom, and as humans, being in the animal kingdom too, it should be natural for us also. Many gay people have tried to convert themselves to “the straight lifestyle” and though they might say that they have succeeded and tried to get married, some ended up divorcing again, being sad for a long time, or even, ending their own lives. Many have tried looking to God, having sex with the opposite gender to just try, getting married, living alone, and the list just goes on. As a gay person myself, I would answer the question “Is being gay a choice?” with this sentence: “If I had a chance to choose, I would choose the simpler path.” Does one become gay because he/she simply wants to be gay? Not many people in their right mind would choose a harder lifestyle for his or herself if it were within his/her own power. Not many people would intentionally become poor. Not many people, in their sane minds, would ever choose a harder lifestyle.

 

            The government is involved with making decisions based on the “liberty and equality” of the people. And if anyone who took a government class knows that the government must keep in mind the powerless minority, which is the main reason why we have the Senate, so the small states could have equal power as the bigger states. And making a decision is supposed to help the society, and not hurt it. How does allowing gay people to marry hurt someone? If the two men next door get married, how does that affect the way you get to work on time, have your child do well in school, the way you eat and drink, the way you breathe, the way you live your life? A public good is defined as a good that if consumed by one, it does not affect the ability of another to consume it. How does allowing gay people to marry affect the way you get federally recognized? A civil union, in that respect, is a public good.

 

            There are some people who would like to say that marriage between same-sex couples should not be allowed because then they would create a family – an unhealthy family. Many argue that all children need a motherly figure. But what do you have to say to all the single fathers out there? There are many single fathers out there who raise their child or children with little trouble. And if one can do it, why not two? And double the love? The only thing a child needs in order to grow as a person, is not just a mother, not just a father, but love. And if two gay people are willing to go all the way to adopt a child, are willing to defy social “norms” to adopt a child, they apparently are very willing to raise a lovable child. A scenario in this topic comes up often. An adoption agency gets two couples who want to adopt the same child. One of the couples is gay, and the other is straight. The gay couple, together, have an annual income of over $150,000. Both partners have no criminal record, never been accused of drug possession, stealing, or any other crime. They want to adopt the young girl that they both feel they both can provide a loving and comfortable household. Both of the partners have only been with one other person (dating). The other couple, have an annual household income of $65,000, but have a huge debt with the car company, creditors, the government for federal fines, etc. The father has been in prison once for drug possession and has been accused of spousal abuse. The husband does not want to adopt a child, but the wife does because she wants someone to love and cherish at home while her husband is away at work, but both partners are ready to adopt because they have made a private agreement, which they would not share with the agency. The wife has been in two marriages and divorces, and the husband has a restraining order for one of his past relationships. Which couple does the agency go with?

 

            This is not to say that the roles can be reversed. What if the gay couple had a bad history of drug possession and the straight couple had the clean record? Naturally, you go for the one you think the child would have a better life in. With financial stability and an obvious case of cleanliness in the home and with love, this is the kind of environment it takes to foster a loving child. Granted, the above conditions may be exaggerated, but it is there to show you that gay couples can offer as great of a home as any other couple. Putting sexuality aside, one must play on a level field.

 

            Gay people are normal people. You encounter them everyday. You meet them in the line waiting for the bus, they serve you at your favorite restaurant, they are the district manager at the retail chain you work at, they sit next to you in class, they eat the same things, wear the same things, and clean themselves the same way as you do. They love things you love, eating, going out with friends, watching movies, crocheting, horseback riding, sports, anything. Their abilities range from athletic, like Jackie Robinson, to entertaining, like Elton John, to corporate America, like Ronald L. Moore, the general manager of the Hewlett-Packard’s Atlanta site. Over half of the Fortune 500 companies now even offer domestic partner benefits, which means that an openly gay or gay-friendly personnel is within the company to help bring about such an impacting decision.

           

            Why keep a normal institution away from normal people? Regardless of who you may be, we were all offered a chance at life. We all came into this world the same way, and we will all exit the same way. So why can we not live the same way?

 

 

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