KarMel Scholarship - What We Had

To: smellyshirtgirl@yahoo.com, kevc115@aol.com, sweetsugah@yahoo.com, anita_d@hotmail.com, theworldisoverrun@hotmail.com, lizpherox@yahoo.com, emmy_cat@yahoo.com, naivewisdom@aol.com

Re: Out Damn’d Spot

Hey. So. This is kinda awkward, but here goes.

So I’ve been talking to a bunch of people, especially Jen and Liz, and I’ve come to realize a few things about myself. I guess I just thought I’d let you all know…I’m bi. At least I think I am. I mean, I’m pretty sure.

But, yeah.

--Nic

To: mugzi2000@hotmail.com, smellyshirtgirl@yahoo.com, sweetsugah@yahoo.com, anita_d@hotmail.com, theworldisoverrun@hotmail.com, lizpherox@yahoo.com, emmy_cat@yahoo.com, naivewisdom@aol.com

Re: Re: Out Damn’d Spot

Three cheers for Nic. Yeah! Way to take a stand.

I guess since you’re brave enough, I can be too.

I’m bi, everybody!

Let’s hear it for being different!

Love,

Meg

From: kevc115@aol.com

Re: Re: Re: Out Damn’d Spot

Not to jump on the bi bandwagon or anything, but…

Yeah, me too.

--Kevin

Re:

I never would have guessed.

Re:

Are you being sarcastic?

Re:

No. I seriously never would have guessed.

Re:

Haha. Me neither.

January 17^th.

So Nicole is bi, or at least she says she is. Which gives me the courage to…come out? If you can call a hasty emailed confession that. I guess that’s what I’ll call it, because there is really nothing else to say.

It was a whole big thing at once, me and Nic and Kevin. Although he didn’t really need to “come out” per say. He was…how do I say this in a P.C. manner? Flaming. Ah yes, that’s the word I’m looking for.

Anyhoo, Nicole says that’s the joy of going to high school, inventing oneself. Jen said it was more like discovering oneself. Even three years after coming here. I’m still discovering. It’s nice to be able to say “I’m bi” and not have nasty looks thrown my way. It’s weird. Everything’s so liberal here. Like there’s a “So?” attitude about everyone coming out.

I wonder if anyone cried when they got the emails. I know I cried when Matt told me he was gay. Of course, I was under the influence of a crush on him at the time…

Are you going to Kevin’s basketball game on Saturday? What I mean is, can I bum a ride?

“Tell me, do you think it’d be alright, if I could bum a ride tonight?”

Girl, you craaazy!

Sure, ride’s not a problem. What time is the game at?

Are you weirded out at all that so many of our friends are gay? I mean, come on, you, me, Jen, Matt, Kevin…? And none of us knew.

Game’s at 7.

Weirded out? None of us knew?

You’ve got your head in the clouds, my friend. How could you not tell that both Jen and Kevin were gay? And Matt is a completely different story….

Haha. Anyway. Yeah, I do find it kinda weird. Maybe everyone’s really gay, but they’re all in denial.

Thanks in advance for the ride.

--Nic

January 20^th

So…I did it. And it went well. So far. I mean, no one’s said anything derogatory or anything, but I feel like something could happen at any moment. You know how that is? I’m nervous.

Haven’t told Mom or Dad or anything. I think I’ll work on a don’t-ask-don’t-tell basis. That way I know I’ll fit in with 99% of the rest of the gay population. Wherever they are.

You know, so Meg and Kev came out just right after me, right? And then Meg and I have been swapping emails, and she asked me if I thought it was weird that so many of our friends are gay. And I was like, no, I didn’t think it was that weird. But looking back at it, it is kinda weird. What pushed us all together? Or is it just one big happy coincidence?

January 21^st

Went to Kevin’s game last night with Nicole. It was a lot of fun. They won, which was good, because it put Kev in a good mood, and so he won’t be a bitchy queen for the next week or so.

You know how they don’t allow gays in the military? I’m surprised they let gays on the basketball team. I mean, aren’t they afraid he’s going to pull their weenies in the shower or something? And it’s not like it’s hard to guess which team he’s batting for. Or shooting for.

We went out for ice cream afterwards, with Jen Miller. She’s the big gay on campus. We’re just overrunning the place now.

You know, at least Jen admits she’s full gay. I don’t know if I am, but I’m thinking that both Nic and Kev are. I mean, seriously. “Bi bandwagon” my ass.

Re: nikki-poo

hey doll face, it’s nic’s birthday on fri. wanna come make a partay? i’m thinking pizza at rodrigo’s or something. anyway, i asked kev, liz, mandy, and nicole at school. you’re the only one i didn’t see at school.

what say?

hearts and chicken,

jen

Re: Re: nikki-poo

Jen—

Sounds great. Count me in.

January 24^th

Yeehee! Going for pizza on Friday with Jen, Nicole, etc. It’s Nic’s birthday. I don’t know what to get her, though. Maybe something simple, like…………..oh, I don’t know. I give up. Maybe I’ll just get her a gift certificate to some restaurant. She likes to eat.

It’s no fair. She can eat and eat and eat and eat and lose weight, and I just start looking like a blimp when I do that. Ah, there is no justice.

Why am I obsessing over this? It’s just a trivial little birthday present. Aaaahhhhhhh.

OK. Will not stress…will not stress...will not stress…

January 25^th

Jen’s treating me to pizza for my birthday tomorrow. I’m excited. Pizza is awesome.

I guess a bunch of other people are coming, too, which is cool. I hope it’s not too high key. That would suck. I hate it when it becomes so political, when a ton of other people come.

I really hope that Meg shows up though. That would be cool.

OK, Jen, you have to help me out here. I really don’t know what to wear tonight. You have to respond to this ASAP, because I am seriously freaking out.

Options for tonight:

*jeans with yellow “teeny bopper” t-shirt

*khaki skirt with red tank top and black hoodie

*pinstripe pants with pink top (the one I wore to the orchestra concert)

Or is there anything else of mine that you can think of that would be OK? I mean, you really have to help me out here.

--Meggers

whoa, girlfriend! you need to chill out. hopefully you’ll get this before you leave, but knowing you, you’re probably checking your email every ten seconds, so it’s ok.

jeans are ok. you look good in that shirt, anyway, and remember, you’re going to a lesbo’s birthday party. tight t-shirts will mos’ def. be appreciated.

see you there!

hearts and chicken.

-jen

January 16^th

Aaaaaaahhhhhhh! Oh dear God. Oh god.

Wow. Wowowowowowowow.

Obviously I am greatly excited by something. And that something is (drum roll please!....

Meg!

She was at Rodrigo’s tonight in that “Teeny bopper” shirt that she has, and she looked fantasmagreat. That would be what the wowing was about.

We all finished our pizza (which was almost as delicious as she was) and people gave me presents, which I was totally not expecting. I got this really cool stool from Liz and Kevin that they made together, and some other random stuff...but I think Meg gave me the best present of all. She handed me this envelope, and I opened it, and inside was a gift certificate that she had made...for me to have dinner at her house! Prepared by her!

I haven’t used this many exclamation points since sixth grade!

To: mugzi2000@hotmail.com, kevc115@aol.com, naivewisdom@aol.com, sweetsugah@yahoo.com, lizpherox@yahoo.com

Re: Thanks!

Thanks so much guys! I had a great time on Friday. Let’s do it again sometime…and by again I mean, give me more presents.

J/k. But speaking of presents, I’m inviting you all over to Meg’s house to share that meal with me.

J/k again. I don’t think Meg would let me.

--Nic

To: smellyshirtgirl@yahoo.com, kevc115@aol.com, naivewisdom@aol.com, sweetsugah@yahoo.com, lizpherox@yahoo.com

Re: Re: Thanks!

Hell’s right I wouldn’t!

The audacity. Really, Nicole, learn some manners!

Hahaha.

Love,

Meg

When can I take you up on that?

Anytime. You’re welcome over here whenever. Just give me ten minutes notice so I can get dressed.

If that’s why you want ten minutes notice, fugeddaboudit.

How about this Friday? I’m in for a good feeding.

January 30^th

Whoa. I have another problem. It never rains but it pours, hey?

So I came out, I passed my chem. test, I found a present for Nic, I found an outfit for Nic, I passed my French test, and now, I think…

I can’t even write it down.

OK, so I came out, right? But that’s just because I thought it was better safe than sorry (coming out? Safe? Ha!). So I wasn’t really prepared…for…

Oh man, everyone knows it anyhoo. Do they? Is it obvious?.

But I can’t write it. Just yet.

January 31^st

I’m going over to Meg’s on Friday to take her up on the meal certificate.

I’ve never been to her house. I think it’ll be a lot of fun, a really nice house. I keep thinking that she’s going to have it all candlelit, and romantic, and we’ll sit down and feed each other salad.

Who am I kidding? I hate salad.

But I love Meg.

OH GOD. That’s dangerous. I’ve put it on paper.

But at least I’m admitting it. Now all I need to do is find out if she likes me...or if this is a lost cause. At least I know that she’s bi. Or so she claims to be.

Oh man. I’m screwed. Someone’s going to find this and it’s going to be all over the school by tomorrow. Then we’ll be in for it.

ok, look here, meg. you have a problem, and so does nic.

YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER!

do neither of you see this? am i hallucinating? no, i am not.

so all I’m saying is, get your act together, my friend. this is going to be a serious problem-o otherwise.

hearts and chicken.

-jen

p.s. no, it’s not just me. pretty much anyone can see you’re infatuated with each other. especially kev. and he’s blind. ouch!

February 2^nd

I’m paranoid now. Got this email from Jen, and i can see everything she’s talking about. But I’m still not sure. What if Nic doesn’t really like me, and it’s all a front?

And she’s coming her for supper tomorrow! Ahhhh! What to wear?

Maybe I’ll just wear an apron. That would be hot.

At least the fam won’t be here. Let’s hear it for professional hockey games!

Must…write…to…Jen…

Jen—are you crazy? Does she really like me? She’s coming over for dinner tomorrow!

Oh no, I’m freaking out again! Look what you’ve done to me!

What should I wear?

deep breath. everything’s ok.

don’t wear anything. she’ll like that.

hearts and chicken.

-jen

February 3^rd

I have to leave in five minutes if I’m going to make it to Meg’s house on time. I’m so nervous! Why?

Because the love of my life is making supper for me.

Watch out, Nic, she could just be a flop.

No.

No flops. I will not stand for it.

Oh man. Here come the exclamation points!

Deeeeeeeeeeeep breath!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What should I wear?

February 3^rd

Oh poo. I totally burnt dinner. Crap. And Nic’s on her way over, I’ll bet.

What do we have in the cupboard? Nothing. Wait! There’s enough stuff here for stir fry. Will she eat that? She’d better.

Well, it’s Nicole. She’ll eat almost anything

I’m so nervous.

I’m wearing my pinstriped pants and a red long sleeved t-shirt. I think it looks good. Sort of Valentinesy, but no worries. Everything will be fine.

Must get back to the food.

Oh no. She’s here. She just rang the doorbell.

To: kevc115@aol.com

Re: meg and nikki sittin’ in a tree!

hey…wanna place bets on when the lovebirds are finally gonna get together? hopefully it’ll be sometime soon. i’m sick of this crap.

do you have the notes for chem? i missed last class.

good luck on your game tonight.

hearts and chicken.

-jen

From: kevc115@aol.com

Re: Re: meg and nikki sittin’ in a tree!

Ha, we should place bets. Mine’s on tonight.

Are we counting kissing, or admitting their “undying passion?”

I’ve got the notes. I’ll give ‘em to you Monday.

--Kevin

February 4^th

It happened. Well, something did. Anyhoo. I’m shaking so bad I car barely write. I’ve been this way ever since she walked in the door last night.

This is so stupid. She’s just a girl. Who ever thought I’d end up this way, freaking out over a girl? Man alive. This is crazy. What am I doing?

well, how was dinner?

hearts and chicken.

-jen

It was really good. She’s a good cook.

nothing more? am i talking to the girl who visited her paramour in her locked castle two nights ago? didn’t you kiss or anything?

is something wrong, nic?

hearts and chicken.

-jen

Jen, she hasn’t talked to me since then. I thought maybe she would call me or something. I called her last night, and she was “out” with a friend, no pun intended.

nothing to freak about, girl. i’m sure everything’s cool. you just have to remember that this is meg we’re talking about here. just give her…time, i guess?

wait, who am i kidding?

you better just dive right in. go claim your woman.

hearts and chicken.

-jen

February 7^th

I’m really scared that Meg hates me now. I went over to her house, and dinner was fantastic, even though the whole house smelled like the dinner she burnt before I got there. And we talked for the longest time, and everything was wonderful, and then we somehow...kissed, and even though we smashed noses pretty hard, it was great, and it was like my first real kiss, ever.

But now she won’t look me in the eyes, and she hasn’t talked to me really. And I don’t know what to do.

February 8^th

I don’t know what to say to Nic. Friday was…oh God, and I don’t know!!

Well, the kiss was good. And I want another one so badly I can’t even look at her straight. No pun intended. I want to call her, but she hasn’t called me, and I don’t know if it would be rude to call her first? Is she…the man? Now I’m just confusing myself.

Maybe I’ll email her. That’s how this whole mess got started anyhoo.

I just wrote you this whole long email, and then my stupid computer had to go and freeze or something dumb like that and I don’t really remember all of what I wrote because I was babbling and now I’m doing it again except this time I’m not saying anything.

Anyway, what I wanted to tell you was…thanks for dinner. It was really good, although I was too tongue tied to say anything. I tried calling you last Saturday, but whoever it was didn’t really seem like a reliable messenger, so I just said I’d call back and I never did.

Meg…oh God. This is going to sound really dumb, especially coming from ol’ Ironsides me. I…guess I really like you. I don’t know if it was obvious or not. Jen said it was, but she’s just clairvoyant or something. I’d like to…I don’t know, go out with you or something. Or just spend time with you. Make dinner for you this time. I want to wrap my arms around you and squeeze you until you melt and we become the same person and it doesn’t hurt so much. I hope I’m not making you uncomfortable by writing this. You haven’t talked to me a lot in the past few days, so I don’t know. Please write back, please, please, no matter what.

Alrighty. I hope you had a good time with your friend on Saturday.

Love,

Nic