| Best Article/Editorial "Proclamation" By Kody Trauger, PA |
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| 2004 KarMel Scholarship Submission |
| KarMel Scholarship 2004 |
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| Description of Submission: "Article I wrote to the school newspaper expressing how I felt - Never published". - Kody Why Karen and Melody Liked It: It was very nicely written article about Kody's personal experience and views. |
| I am not searching for you sympathy nor your pity. I do not need it because I am strong and will survivie. My intent writing this article is to inform you about one of the most unspoken issue that can actually cause so much pain in the hearts of many. To end this pain, I believe homosexuality must be talked about. The following paragraphs are my thoughts and experiences. Two years ago, if you had asked me if I was gay, I would have denied it 110%. Out of fear and shame I woudl ignore my true feelings. At one point the depression was so bad, I became suicidal, all of it caused by social norms. A year passed, and after much reflecting about how I wanted to live my life, I decided I wanted to be happy, and that means accepting myself. So eventually I told one of my best friends while we were walkting on my street. She was completely supportive and I wondered why I was so scared to tell her. As time progressed, the easier it became to tell other friends, however my coming out did not come without hardships. A certain person found out and basically, without my permission, spred my "secret" around the school. I was devastated. Every day, people would ask me if it was true and I was completely uncomfortable discussing the matter. By this time, I was invovled in my first relationship with another guy. It was different, but I felt right. Matters at school continued to worsen. I avoided walking down hallways where I knew ignorant people would hangout because they woudl always badger me with derogatory remarks. Between classses, I would ensure I always had a friend to walk with. Safety in numbers. And on the occasions I was alone, I avoided making eye contact with everyone passing by. Now there were many people who gave me support, and I am thankful to them. So thank you, you know who you are. So it was about the third markign period of last year and I was still in the dating scene. At least there I coudl be myself with someone so much like myself. My self-confidence slowly increased as time went on, but I was still scared out of my mind. One of my more traumatizing experiences occurred while I was walking down Fifth Street after school mid-spring. I was deep in though, probably about some trivial teenage issue, when suddenly there was a car next to me. I heard, "Hey you faggot," and then the remarks became worse and they cannot be published in this high school newspaper. The car was following me as I walked and I just ignored them. At one point, I wanted them to just get it over with and beat me up, make me the next victim of a hate crime. However, that did not happen, they drove away leaving me in the smog of the car's exhaust forever changed. So summer came around and it was really amazing. I felt safer because I wasn't stuck in school anymore. I became a lto mroe assure of who I am and proud of myself during those quick three months. I would just like to thank a guy for two of the most amazing weeks. I hoep you find yourself and happiness. I miss our friendship. All good things must come to an end; meanign school was in session again. I realized I had developed an acute horror of walkgin down the street from that one afternoon. I would shake and just e so scared someone was going to hit me. But, that fear has been dispersed. I discovered a youth center for gay, lesbian, bi, transgender, questioning people, as well as their allies (GLBTQA). It is a place where one night out of the week I don't feel as different than the rest of the world. I have done a lot of thinking abotu how in our English classes; we always read a piece of literature teaching "discrimination is bad." And class discussion are held, but always on the topic of race and religion. Never about sexuality, for that is a forbidden topic. That is the most hypocritical thing I have ever heard. Maybe we should be talkigna bout discrimation based upon sexuality because ya know what, it happens and it hurts. Come on people, we are living during a civil rights movement. First it was Women's, then Balck's and now the Gay rights movement. And will not be silenced. We talk about marriage sometimes in history and English class. Everyone is full of content when they think about being committed to one person for the rest of their life. And I look at their faces and think how privileged they are that they are allowed to be legally devoted to someone. Many people have said to me, "well you can get a civil union." No I want to be married, just like everyone else. I don't want to worry about medical visitation rights or inheritance issues. I just hope future generations of gay students can look ahead and have the opporutnity to wish for a successful marriage with their husband or wife. More locally, Pennridge, incase you were not aware, denied a student to bring as his date to the prom, another guy. Not only was this an infringement of his civil rights, it was completely ignorant and I believe the district owes this former studnet an apology. However, this year, it seems the district has come to its sense and is accepting the fact that times are changing. The recently established gay-straight alliance is proof of improvement. And now, I can't wait to hit the dance floor at prom with the man of my dreams. To those people reading this and just compeletely do not understand, I would like to thank you. You have made me a stronger person because of the suffering you have put me through. but please, do not cause any more pain to others that are different than you. Even though you may not accept them, they have the right to bubble with joy and be fabulous in this already crazy world. I have intentionally left out how I dealt with telling my parents I am gay. Unless you had to go through the experience, you would not understand. I would like to thank my parents for putting their trust in me and allowing for strong communication. I would like to encourage everyone who would like to stop the suffering and silence of GLBTQA people, to openly discuss sexuality. Do not shy away from it. Only through discussion, questioning, and discovery will discrimination, in any form, be abolished. This was just a short synopsis of how I've come to be who I am today. I hope you will take something positive from this article. Love, be nice, be caring, be accepting, be yourself, cry, be happy, get enough sleep, smile, set goals, make a difference, stay healthy, and ask why. If you do these things, you will succeed in life and be an amazing human being. Thanks for listening. Carpe diem! |