KarMel Scholarship 2004

“Okay”

By Barb Klein, WA

Desciption of Submission: “Poem – coming out. The first submission is a poem I wrote shortly after I came out. Although my mom had told me she knew about me on Christmas Eve, which was tramatic even though she was very supportive, she didn't want my father to know at that time. After a week or so, she told him. I sent this poem to him on Father's Day, knowing he would struggle. I printed it out on paper with a misty woodland-type scene in the background, done mostly in blues, and framed it with a die-cut mat. He opened it, and according to my mom, he read the first line and walked away, leaving the gift partially unwrapped on the kitchen table, where it stayed for a week. My mom then picked it up and it hangs to this day in her home-office, ten years later.

Note: My dad has softened quite a bi t since then, and not only am I sure he has read the poem, but he shares his Non-Sequiter cartoons on gay marriage with me, and his homepage on his computer is the ACLU homepage. He still won't attend a PFLAG meeting, but I think he has come a very long way.” – Barb

Okay,

So now you know I’m gay

(or at least you recognize

the reality of my actions)

Happy Thanksgining,

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year.

I wanted to tell you –

To share my excitement, joy

The love I found when I finally

accepted myself

When I finally discovered myself

To share my pain

as I found I had to let go

of the dream (fantasy) I was living in

and the struggle to create

“the perfect me.”

To share my fear

as I questioned the old, explored the new

But alas…

I was afraid.

You see…

I never wanted to hurt you.

It’s funny, really –

The greatest pain (the change)

The greatest joy.

Stepping into a world underground,

Unacceptable and lonely –

I find myself freed from the bonds

Of lonely isolation.

Where once I was “the only one”

Now I have found Others, like me

So now you know I’m gay.

I’ve not changed, though your dreams for me will –

If you accept me.

I have not changed –

I have just discovered the way of life

That best fits

ME.

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